So, I've been thinking. I've been a part of my Buddhist organization for almost two years now. My brother has recently joined.

Not that it's a bad thing, of course it's not.

But to be fairly honest, I don't think he's ready for the responsibility of being a leader.

The only reason I say so is because I don't think he can understand people well. Like, I don't know how to say it really, it's like...

You need to be empathetic with people, especially when they are struggling, are hopeless, or are just having a bad day.

If he can't understand why I'm upset about things or struggling with my anxiety, or why it's hard for me to really go out and mingle with people...

What makes me think he can do that with other people? I'm his sister, one of the closest people to him and he can't even sit still and understand or at least listen to my problems.

How can he effectively encourage another person when he dismisses issues that come up in the family?

It's mind boggling, and I know I haven't told anyone on this platform, or on any platform really that I'm Buddhist.

But I just want to know, how does one expect to help another when you can't understand the situation and brush it off like it's nothing?

It's not nothing, it's everything to a person.

It breaks my heart when my anxiety, my mild depression, my sadness gets brushed under the rug like I just have to get over it and I'll be fine.

No, I won't.

I've spent years concealing everything I've felt, wearing a mask, making it seem like I'm happy all the time.

But I'm not.

There are so many things on my mind, so many things I with I could talk about. But I haven't found anyone who would just sit with me and tell me I'm okay. That it's okay to feel the way I've been feeling.

I've taken up this practice to help myself be at my highest life state, to be absolutely happy. To some people, it sounds crazy, like a cult or something...

But the only thing they promise is the promise of helping you be absolutely happy.

I want to be happy. I want to not doubt myself, or undermine myself. I want to have courage in everything I do.

I just wish brother would see it that way too.

We practice for oneself and for others. There is no such thing as a selfish Buddha. That's absurd.

And yet I always wonder.

Okay, so I'm done...

/end rant