"What if I accidentally push this toxic masculinity onto my future children?"

It's so stupid to worry about something that's so far in the future and yet here I am

That you're aware of it this far in advance and are worrying about it does say good things about how you're going to be more careful to try and not do it, at least.

I think this is one of those things that has to be a constant process of unlearning bad behavior, BUT being aware of it and wanting to do the work is the most important thing

it's not stupid to think about it now, because you can still do self-reflection now and identify things that you've internalized

I can already tell that there are a lot of things I've internalized and I have no idea how to uninternalize them.

I keep thinking about that story about the cup that's too full to accept any more tea and how you need to empty it to learn and my response is always "That makes sense, but how do I actually empty the cup?"

I feel like the best you can do is to recognize them and try to call yourself out on them? keep reading up on toxic behaviors and watch for them in things you do. awareness is really the key thing.

like I grew up with a certain amount of internalized misogyny where I thought being stereotypically girly was a bad thing and thought less of girls who were into "girly" things. I'm not sure exactly when I realized that was a problem I had, but I'm in a much better place even if I still have the occasional gut reaction to super feminine things

like, at least I can sort of take myself aside and be like "let's not think that way"

/nodnods

I've never been super-masculine and I think that unrealistic expectation of the ideal masculinity that I "should" have has contributed to my opinions of myself. Recognizing that I'm being unrealistic in my expectations is one thing, but it doesn't automatically lead to any kind of change in thinking or feeling.