I realized I had no interest in sexual partners a long time ago. All of my friends would talk about it and that and I was just always apathetic and uninterested-- NOT LIKE GROSSED OUT. It just seemed pointless

to me. It still seems pointless to me.

I didn't even think there was a possibility I was asexual or that there was a label for it until a few years ago.

Until then I kind of just tried to tell people I wasn't interested in and then was told that I must be gay or that I'd want to one day.

Even though I am kinda-sorta engaged I don't really have any sexual attraction here? That doesn't change. The person's been oneo f my best friends for a long time and

(due to other issues) one of the few males in my life I trust with absolute certainty. I do love him, if not sexually, and I've tried to tell him that.

But like I consider the last few years and I'm just getting super upset.

Because I tried telling my mother it and she was like "maybe one day you'll marry" and then she had the audacity to tell her therapist (currently also my own) and the woman's

first conclusion was "maybe she has autism"

LIKE NOW ONE-ON-ONE I TOLD HER THAT I WAS ASEXUAL and she's said "that's your own business"

but when I was in a weird crisis of life I had told my mom look I don't really like either gender in the sexual senseand sometimes romantic and I definitely dislike intimacy and this woman was just like

"We should test her for Autism."

And I think about it and everything I've been told in my life.

My brother insisting that because I did not date and showed no interest that I must be gay or

mm.

A least favorite memory of mine is a few years back I went on a date. I found the guy cute and a joy to be around. I had a crush on him, but nothing else. And so we went out we had fun

And at the end of the date he tried to kiss me. One, I was suprised. Two, it was wholly unpleasant? It was neither wanted nor returned and I ran away right after that in confusion.

That was when I kind of just realized that "Wow, something is wrong."

And he only made it worse because he ended up asking me if I wanted to go out again. So I tried to be honest and say,y es, I did but please don't try to kiss me again.

??? I am honestly not incredibly well-informed when it comes to autism, but to suggest someone might have it just because they lack sexual interest seems... very bizarre to me

^

Probably wrong wording, since he got offended, but then I tried explaining my situation.

One of it being that the reason I have a hard trouble trusting males is that since an incident when I was little I kept to myself and this was just NOT INTERESTING TO ME. And he was like "butyou should

want to kiss me???" That was the real kick in the face. Being told that I SHOULD WANT TO. AND IT SEEMED KINDA MANDATORY. I was like mmm breaks off contact immediately and feels gross and wrong about self

gradient yazooairspace Yeah, that's what I said. Like my mother brought it up and I was exremely angry and immediately said no. And even though for yearsI needed counseling I refused. The only reason I'm

with her now is because during my crisis at the beginning of the year it was either her or through a hospital and I preferred that but

I just think about it and eventhe time I began expressing myself as something different I've just been told I was wrong or broken.

And like now I want to make sure sort-of-fiance understands this but even though he's been super accepting of everything I'm afraid that this will be a. terrible. thing.

But it shouldn't be??? For myself, it shouldn't be. Because I know I do love him in some sense and he's important there buuuuuuuuuuuut at the same time.

this is just my personal opinion, but I think people tend to not consider biology and chemical reactions that occur in a person's body neeeaaarly enough

I've been conditioned that I'm wrong when I say I do and essentially told its just a phase

so there is a lot of pressure coming from society to be expected to act and do certain things, when reality is... you are made from certain experiences and biology which is honestly just.

very difficult to control sometimes???

very difficult to impossible, even.

idk, what i'm saying might totally be off-base but!! that's what i tend to see

and i know that at least when I come to myself, telling myself I "should" or "shouldn't" do something honestly just usually makes the problem 100x more difficult than it has to be lmfao

gradient Exactly. Like a huge part of the reason I have trust issues with the opposite gender was because I was sexually assaulted when I was little. I understand this about myself, which is why

I was like "maybe it's that???" But it's really difficult for me to come with any romantic or sexual attraction to people. And time-and-again I have guys who come out and ask me out and I don't even GET IT

because I have no interest and some kid I barely remembered admitted he'd been in love with me for a long time??? And Iwas like

I'm sorry this is not. Someting I do. And trying to explain that is sufferring because I know

I'm supposed to have an emotional response/attraction and they expect it but I'm just like

"This was a nice day but let's not do it again" because you know physicality and such is a thing and I'm just going noooo thanks.

Which sounds weird and bad of me always but if I have no reaction then I just don't??? And I have no control over it and I'm not going to force it

yeah I can see how frustrating that would be

but hey! it ain't nothing wrong with you. it's just how your body happens to respond (or not respond, i suppose?)

and if people get uppity about that, then that

's something they need to work out with themselves

Yeah, unfortunately, it's not something I can change about who I am. And I've tried explaining it and that's entirely me and not them. But in the end I'm in the wrong

and I just silently scream to myself because I can't help it and I've tried to find plenty of people sexually attractive or things and it's just. not possible.

naaahh, I know how frustrating it can be to talk to people who just adamantly refuse to change their minds about a situation (my dad is one of those people... rip)

But even talking about it has landed in "Well, one day you'll wnat to marry" And, yeah, I do but I'm in it because we care about each other and it's a partnership not like

a sexual attraction. He's attractive, I feel that, but not like sexually any urges and I'm just like terrified of saying that because. YEAH I WANNA MARRY AND BE HAPPY

but pls don't force this idea on me (not that he has but society)

because they're all like you'll want to be when you want kids and i'm like mmm

yeah no

man ain't nothing like that good social conditioning

i'm just like??? i just want to be happy with someone i love and i don't care aboiut the rest of this

and also this idea that every woman must want children??? lord almighty..... drags hands down face LMAO

R I GHT like

I have no problem with kids but I want to adopt. That's always what I've anted to do

it honestly amazes me how many people that are full grown adults that just do........ not seem to understand how reality works

And I especially have no intents having kids for at least 10 years

oh hi-5!!! i totally want to adopt some day

personal kids anyway. like maybe after then but nah i'd rather adopt

Well. I mean it's been acultural norm since the dawn of time but the issue is it wasn't a female want. It was a conditioned response due to males wanting heirs and such but since like

women finally got free will in likke the \last 200 years

and can finally say no without like being m...murdered... it still baffles society etc when someone is brave enough to say nah

my belly don't need that

I've considered adoption, but I've also considered that it'll be a looong while (if ever) before I'm financially able to support another human being.

yeah.... idk people are just. very stubborn in their beliefs, i suppose

and there's some matter of pride in not changing those beliefs because they cannot be WRONG!!!