Well, this is a thing happening. The office is locked and no one with a key is around yet, so a half dozen coworkers and I are just hanging out around outside it.
welp
LMAO OH MY GODS. So, finally, someone with a key is here, so we are into the office! Alphastaff (our timeclock program) has us locked out.
So we can't clock in.
Rather, it appears the servers for it are down. Either way, clocking in isn't happening.
WELCOME TO MY LIFE
It's a Monday of a Friday. 
...Naturally, the first email in the queue is a promo for $3 margaritas.
Lol! You all deserve $3 margaritas
pft
...two emails down: "...unfortunately the insured has broken her writing arm and her leg..."
I think this is the universe trying to say I should never have left my blanket cave this morning.
$3 margaritas sound like an excellent idea.
I NOPED out too. 
Absolutely the most awesome. And we deserve an equally awesome lunch today.
Hmmmmmm... Not sure. There are lots of places we haven't been to yet...
And in "stupid things that amuse me," a broker named Cheryl Rust, so her email is "crust@[insurance co].com.