I realize these books are terrible and that just makes them a thousand times better

Magic cock rings! A half-not!elf assassin prostitute named Surreal! Our hero spends thousands of years not getting hard for anyone until he meets the destined one!

oh god it's true

mind you I only know that series as "the one the crazy person who was starting a cult liked" but

....also it says something that I feel I need to say WHICH person in the bay area I mean when I say they were starting a cult.

The main male characters names being Daemon, Saetan, and Lucivar! Everyone actually being part dragon in the soul! The heroine's ginormous menagerie of sapient unicorns and tigers and special magic

Tigers all totally devoted to her! She literally is only saved by everyone concentrating on how much they love her! This will never stop being hilarious

...wait what a cult? Was it Black Jewels themes?

*themed, I'm on my phone okay

SADLY NO. the person just judged people on if they thought she was the main character or not. everyone who didn't "didn't understand her soul"

... though she did spook a unicorn. by which I mean she spooked someone at a bdsm party who thought she had the soul of a unicorn.

Well clearly that's because she had the soul of a dragon-witch-messiah and the unicorn couldn't cope.

Also wat.

Well, that description is super apt.