yesterday i got like 4 1/2 hours of sleep because i have really fucking awful insomnia now and ive run out of options besides go to the doctor and get on idk luness

thankfully i didnt feel tired but its still you know irritating cause its a problem on the days where i work

i made an appointment w bombshell in short pump because my coworker wanted to trade and when i texted her she had to flake

so i had to drive an hour

the appointment was still nice though i love bombshell

if you can call paying someone to slather you in hot wax and rip hair out of your body nice

my mom texted me to tell me the upstairs smelled funny and then nagged at me when i came downstairs

today i spent the entire day in the kitchen cooking lunches for myself for work because i spend way too god damned much money eating out

and the entire day i was getting nagged at for being in the kitchen

i got nagged at yesterday to hurry up and cook the food i bought for myself /sunday night/

I started cooking at 1

at 3:30 my mom was asking me

are you gonna be done soon

no because im using fresh ingredients and actually putting effort into my cooking instead of using shit out of a box

im getting older i cant really be as flippant about my diet as i want to be anymore i gotta start eating better and this is my attempt.

the only thing i bought premade was phyllo dough and pie crusts

phyllo is a pain in the ass to DEAL with let alone make the sheets are literally tissue paper thin. if you've ever eaten baklava then that is made with dozens of layers of phyllo

i bought whole, organic chickens and fucking chopped them up myself

i made home made chicken stock and im letting them use some of it

and she was just trying so hard to chase me out of the kitchen i didnt get to make the last two things i wanted to make

so now i have fucking gnocchi dough sitting in the fridge that i wont get to and it will probably go off before i get to it

and i didnt get to use the second chicken

i just need to get out of this house im really tired of being here

if im not quietly sitting up in my room

and i mean quietly if i talk above a loud whisper my mom texts me that im being too loud

before allyson moved in it wasnt a problem

so im pretty sure its allyson texting my mom to text me to shut up

if im not quietly sitting in my room then im being treated as an annoyance unless they need me

like she asked me to take the cat to the vet

and i just couldnt find the time i had tons of other shit to do

i ttried calling the vet and every time i called it was busy

i cant do it next week i wont be here

so i told her like im sorry i couldnt get a hold of them and she snaps at me as if its my fault

why do you ask me to do these things at the last minute

you know when we're out of flea medicine

why not ask me to get some before the day she needs a new dose?

why not get it right after we use the last one?

after i put all of my lunches away in the freezer (a months worth. I could have done two months if i had gotten to make the other things)

she texts me to say that we have no room in the freezer and I need to do something about it because they're going meat shopping tomorrow

i condensed them as much as i could

then when i moved the two biggest things to the fridge (the gnocchi dough and the chicken stock) to the fridge "we need room in the fridge too"

okay, why dont we idk take out the fucking bottle of mostly gone margarita mix thats been sitting in there since new years

why dont we put the food you save into containers instead of sticking whole huge ass dishes into the fridge

why dont we stack the yogurt cups

why dont we take the bottle of tequila out of the freezer since it isnt being used and put it somewhere else

there is literally no reason for a baking dish to be in the fridge when we have storage containers

there is no reason for a huge ass pot of soggy ass green beans to be sitting on the bottom shelf

i tell her okay ill buy some ice cube trays tomorrow, pour the chicken stock in them, freeze it and toss it into a plastic bag.

where are you gonna put the ice cube trays

I DONT FUCKING KNOW MARS I GUESS

CONSIDERING HOW COLD IT IS ILL FUCKIN FREEZE THEM OUTSIDE

EVERY

TIME

i try to take care of myself

i try to do something good

for me

with food

she shits on me

if i offer to cook, half the shit i make she doesnt like because its too strongly flavoured, or she doesnt like the texture

her blood pressure is through the roof and its because all she does is drink coke and coffee and eat processed shit full of salt

if i cook for myself, she rides my ass about being in the kitchen

i cant eat good fresh vegetables because she turns her nose up at them if they aren't fucking limp and worthless

I STEAMED BROCCOLI AND SUGAR BEANS TODAY

THEYRE CRUNCHY AND GREEN AND GOOD AND I CANNOT WAIT TO EAT THEM

i fucking love vegetables

but if i cook for the family all im allowed to make is

green beans from a can, some sort of potatoes, canned carrots with butter cinnamon and brown sugar, or corn

or frozen broccoli smothered in fucking velveeta

i put peas and carrots in my shephards pie

i put peas, corn and green beans in my chicken pot pie

i steamed fresh broccoli i cut myself

i steamed sugar snap beans

i cut up fresh onions and ginger root and put it in my pastilla

and it was so relaxing and fun and fresh and i cannot wait to eat the food i made

i got to make hitsumabushi

because she wont eat fish unless its at a restaurant or raw

i cooked cornish pasties with onions and carrots and potatoes

i made so many delicious things today

and i want to do this in my own place at my own pace on my own time where im not being harangued to hurry up and gtfo

and for this potential 2 months of food?

125$

the other three things i wanted to make were spinach gnocchi, chicken and mushroom risotto and honey ginger chicken

what i got to make was: chicken pot pie, chicken pastilla, cornish pasties, miso soup, steamed broccoli, histumabushi, steamed snap peas, and shephards pie