And today, it's because of something that just...

a realization that just kept me smiling for like

an hour or two after it happened

(and then I got shopping exausted which is a thing for me especially around the holidays and frustration but I won't get into that)

So, today was the last formal meeting for my Fraternity, and the secret santa pot luck

(If I haven't brought this up before...Yes I am in a Frat, it's a professional frat so while there is drinky drinky it's mostly service service promoting our profession-y)

(and it's not a sorority, as it started out as male only but became co-ed. There are still a few all male chapters)

(and I'm one of the founders of our chapter, which is still the baby chapter of the north east region)

Anyways

so, secret santa. I kinda forgot that meant I was getting something too, I was so focused on getting the person I was assigned something nice

I ended up with some of the seasonal stuff from Bath and Body Works, including hand sanitizer since we go through it like crazy at our internships. Especially during flu season)

(and it's good quality good smelling kind too)

and I bought two little gingerbread dolls to -you know what

I showed you the picture in an earlier plurk. it's that cute thing with the gingerbred people holding the gifts

She also asked for fruit like, yesterday, so I got a bunch of bananas and wrapped a ribbon around each one

(she loved it)

I ended up getting that disapearing Tardis mug, because they know I'm geeky and know I collect mugs like mad. If I was a dragon, my horde would be plush toys and mugs

and just

the comradery

just so great, everyone was smiling, and everyone was happy

even if some of the gifts were silly as hell

One of them almost burnt his face, because he thought the lighter he got was actually a breathlizer

Keep in mind, no alcohol at this pot luck (save for the ones given as gifts and not drank)

so he was totally sober

and just

the atmosphere. This is the feeling I like at holidays. Where the food is good (if only a little) and the people are good

and ask how you've been doing but know your leave is still a sore subject

and a thought crossed my head as I was smiling like crazy at everyone opening their gifts

"Family really is those you choose"

And I just

I feel good

I mean, not great anymroe because shopping fatigue, but

right then and there, I felt...euphoric.

which hasn't been a thing for a long while.

I felt loved, and cared for, even if people don't 100% get me, they still care for me and treat me with respect

(I'm like one of the few of age members that doesn't drink a lot. Usually because I drive alone there and don't trust me drinking and driving to any extent, but also

because I go from I LOVE EVERYTHING drunk to "I hate the world everything sucks I just want to curl up and die" depressed drunk very quickly and I haven't determined at which point that is yet

Like, amount wise.

so I'm cautioys

I'm also shy and unsure of myself and have a big voice when needed

and they just...accept me

I don't worry about them talking about me behind my back, which is rare for people I don't frequently hang out with

This. This is the kind of family I want.

One that is made of my choosing, that I know will support me no matter what and will never force me into a toxic situation (They;'re actually really good when I refuse drinks)

aliencereal crafty_elephant I just feel good. And safe posting this here as long as I'm vague

I'm glad you're happy c: