i know i dont mean it right now

but im getting close where im gonna start to

but i want to hurt myself right now

and maybe remind myself to not get used to being happy

cause im not made for that

and also to remind me that everyone just fucking leaves

im just here at everyone's disposal

"oh yeah that's jamie, she's always there and i know she'll never leave so i'll treat her like shit because she wouldnt mind"

and that's true because i dont mind being treated like shit

im so used to that

but jesus fuck just because im used to it doesnt mean it hurts less