This I really can blame on my family. They've actually done just that. There were fun family outings that I just didn't get invited to.

I learned that sometimes family really meant my parents plus my older brother, and sometimes it meant all of us.

I'm not good at socializing, I'm not good at holding a conversation.

I try to keep them going, but I don't know how, and the probes I make seem to be met with just socially acceptable responses like 'fine' and 'okay' and it ends there.

I want to know more, I want to be involved with my friend's lives. I want to know how their day went, what they did, I want to know their funny, sad, happy, or angry stories.

I want to know how they feel and what they think. I'm not asking for their constant attention, I only need a few minutes.

But it always seems to me that they are more involved in each others and not in mine or aren't telling me, and I don't know if that's true or just my paranoia talking.

Chat helped, because I could feel I was involved in a group discussion.

Now I just feel very cut off and alone and lonely.

I'm doing something wrong, I have to be, other people don't have this problem.

I think you're wrong, actually. A lot of other people have this problem, it's very common.

Which is not meant to say that it isn't a problem or 'it's all in your head' or some other BS. Just, it happens a lot and you're not alone or a freak.

Do you mean online conversations or offline or both?

Hahaha all of it, but I guess mostly online conversations because it's easier to hold someone's attention in person.

And part of the problem with online conversations is it's so easy to read them and feel left out, and other people don't realize that you're there and wanting in unless you say something, which sort of feels

like cheating/missing the point/something. (at least, in my experience!)