I'm tired of being lonely. Tired of being alone. Tired of thinking I'm not good enough for a given person that I try to express interest in. No man will find me attractive.

Trying to talk to a guy I find attractive and it's impossible to keep a conversation going and I feel like I'm just boring him. I'm not particularly pretty, and I'm fat. I look like a little boy, which makes me

think that perhaps my gender identity is fluid instead of set. It makes me feel better in a way but...

I'm just lonely. I'm almost 30 and no suitors. I told a friend ten years ago that I was afraid that I would be 30 and single, and she told me that she doubted that would happen and yet

Here I am on the cusp of 30 and single. One guy I really was into shot me down after one date. And now this fellow...I'm not good enough for him. He's educated with a masters' degree

a good job, and we have similar interests. Single. Attractive. digs Ace Attorney. Right age bracket.

and I'm just...I should just become an nun.

Aww sweetie.

Does he know that you're interested? I mean, has he been told in no uncertain terms? People can be extremely moronic when it comes to recognizing when others are interested.

also, if becoming a nun is something you're legitimately interested in you shouldn't feel bad doing so. But I assume you meant that as a turn of phrase rather than a legit life option

Well, to be fair, I have awkwardly flirted with him only online. He's local, and he actually contacted me about a photoshoot at an upcoming convention we're both attending. I'm overreacting a little, but

I have no real expectation of him returning the interest. Low self esteem on my part. Mostly I don't know how to tell him I'm interested in him without being a creep because we've only been chatting a short

time

And haha no, I don't want to be a nun. I'm atheist.

Like I have this fear stemming from youth that I will tell a person I find them attractive and am interested in them, and they RECOIL IN HORROR internally and wonder "WHY ME UGH"

If he recoils in horror punch him in his horrified face. :|

Cuz that's rude yo, I don't care who you are.

No I mean INTERALLY

Oh. Well, how would you know?

like you just panic internally but outwardly you just look awkward

I never said it was a rational fear

XD

OH OKAY

But...it's a fear I have. born from low self esteem an self image

so long as we're acknowledging this is fear it is irrational but it is there.

I'm overweight and not too attractive. I expect people to recoil internally in fear

Girl you are totally attractive are you kidding me?

I don't feel that way

But thank you <3

Whenever you feel unattractive just purposely tell yourself "Screw that noise I am hot" and then act like you believe it. Eventually, you might actually catch yourself believing it for a second or two.

I have been doing that lately.

As much as I hate this term, I was kindly friendzoned last year by a friend whom I was very interested in. He was so nice about it and we're still friend

but I'd be lying if I said it didn't punch me right in my already feeble ego.

My ego is like Steve Rogers, pre-serum.

oh man I'll bet

So it's set in my mind that I'm just not the sort of person men are interested in. At least, men who are in my age and interest groups.

But then I pause and think that generally, most straight single men like it when women are interested in them

which then becomes

"How do I tell this cute gentleman that I think he is attractive and I'd like to get to know him better without being creepy because we've only been chatting for a week."

"Hey, I'd like to get to know you better. Want to get a coffee together?"

WHOA Bri sorry sorry LOL <3

Well, I told him that i have enjoyed what little conversations we have and something LIKE getting to know him better. And then I apologized if I creeped him out because I like to fall on my face

awww, I think that's fine. Honestly if he can't forgive at least a little awkward he ain't worth your time.

Bri will understand this next part well, but but. He has already doomed me. He cosplays Hobo Phoenix Wright. That is, Phoenix with sexy stubble.

asdfgsaaasdhhfdfg

He's coming to the Ace Attorney photoshoot too. Which is likely where we will meet in person for the first time. He IS local.

But

I'll be dressed like a man.

the opposite of how one wants to be when trying to attract a straight man.

you'll just be that much more stunning when he sees you for the first time dressed as a woman?

I'm not sure. I have short hair now. I like it! but I look like a boy.

I like my haircut, but...I have a very weird relationship with my body right now.

Mm. It's okay, really.

And you know. There's this strange thing where actually most guys are attracted to personality as much as if not more than body

Well, Bri, I think I'm pretty fluid gender wise. but it's weird.

And yeah, I know, but...gah. He makes his own cosplay! and he's a gamer

and he's got a master's degree.

and I'm just like

"I'm so not good enough in my dead end job about to lose my house and car still getting my degree."

it's not about being good enough

just be you. and if you make him happy, the rest doesn't matter

Yeah. I just don't know how to initiate conversation. I try but he gets quiet. Granted at times he's at work, and I'm aware of that. I just think i'm boring him but...it's hard to tell without body language

He might be sitting there going "omg she makes excellent cosplay and she's totally into this video game like me aaaaaaahhhhh I'm gonna screw it up!"

yeah, the no body language thing would be a killer. but you'll be meeting him soon, right? you can go for coffee or lunch or something casual

Well, at con. And as much as I love my friend Maryam, she's impossible to shake

but if I tell her I'm going to try to flirt with this guy she might understand. Maybe.

even though I'm so bad at flirting

how do I do the thing

ahaha I was just asking if you could do that

tell your friend, I mean

and don't fret about flirting/not flirting

seriously just be yourself and it'll kind of happen on its own

and to be fair...I haven't had the guts to ask him if he's single, but his Facebook says he is XD

I DID make a joke about creeping on his Facebook. I asked him about his degree and his job

And he asked me what I wanted to do with my degree and I told him.

well, that's a good start!

Yeah. and I sent him a happy holiday message earlier and we chatted. He was working on cosplay and making pizza

So I mean. WE've talked but without verbal an body language it's impossible to read someone.

YEAH HOW DO

haha I'm serious though it just happens when you aren't focusing on it. :T

I just felt like a creeper checking out his Facebook profile and his pictures and stuff.

ehhhh don't. People do that kind of thing all the time

Okay.

He also thought I was a man when we first started chatting. I had to tell him I was a girl

Seriously?

Well

he messaged me on my secret FB profile which is where al my nerdy things are, and it's under a pseudonym that's a male name

and I doubt he was looking at my picture, but I have my Austria hair in it

So I'm like, "Fuck I fucked it up."

You have a feminine face though...

like

The picture only shows my eyes and like i said I doubt he was looking.

https://www.facebook.com...

Observe.

oh. ffff well.

again

if he's worth it he'll get over it.

Seriously though all of that is kind of... not things you can control or fix

so they aren't worth worrying or fretting over.

he's agreed to meet with you and hopefully by now he's realized you're at least biologically a female

Yeah. I know. I'm just tired of being alone and single. It was fun for a while but I mean I only have had one date since I broke up with Hannah three years ago.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Thanks. So yes that's part of the reason for my low self esteem. Hannah has gotten asked on many dates and I'm just...

I feel overlooked. You are?

I have to phone people usually if I want to hang out. No one just calls me.

I'm sorry, I have to go now as it's very late but you are wonderful

Thans MAgs. It was good talkign to you again <3<#

It's good to see you around again. XD Good luck!

And Bri, literally...no one has asked me on a date. One young lady did but she was more of a sister and friend type and I felt awkward.

But we cleared it up. I apologized for acting stand offish to her and we're fine. I think another girl is interested in me too but I'm not in return. I'm interested in men at the moment.

And she's not my type.

Yeah. Thanks for letting me whine.

THANK YOU <3

I guess not much will happen until the con though I'll try to keep chatting with him. I just don't want to look desperate or weird

FML HE LIKES SAMURAI JACK TOO? T_T

we like a lot of the same things. I wish we could chat more

He may be religious though. I respect that completely but I'm atheist.

It's hard to tell. He's got his political views listed as moderate.

Yeah. =\

And then in the same breath call him a Nazi which is hilarious because Nazis were extreme right wing.

Anyway, I asked him if he wanted to go out for coffee some time but he never responded. Feels bad, man.

Yeah.