FUCK

FUCKING DSKFJDSLKGFUCK FSDJFKLDSF

FUCKING

FUCKING FUCK HELL

FUCK

hi plurk i have nowhere else to take my anger

i have compartamentalised my resign to twitter, my composure to the public, my upset to friends

but i'm angry

I AM ANGRY

i'm angry because more than ever it feels like there was a previous time

i'm angry that this has happened again

i'm angry because we joked about sm keeping their chinese kids on too tight a leash

i'm angry because this feels routine, this feels predictable

i'm angry bc it feels like everything i wrote in that xinglu leaving fic, which was never meant to be true

i'm angry because this will now become us versus them

i'm angry because the chinese kids, again, will be the chinese kids who might up and leave at any time

i'm angry bc i love yixing, and bc of that i came to love this twelve member group

i'm angry because i like these kids, i don't want a single one of these kids to be hurt, but most of all, i don't want yixing to be hurt

but i also know that no matter what, he is hurt, has been hurt, and will hurt

and this, again, feels so rote, so routine, as if it's been done before

and the fucking shitty thing is that it has

you know what i'm going to come home and i'm going to write about kris the ten headed dragon

my coping methods have become just as fucked up and fuck it

FUCK IT

now i need to be an adult in real life and do adult things

laughs bitterly

... /hugs