I'm evaluating my options and finding I have none if I don't miraculously get into grad school.

No car, can't drive. Even if getting a job was possible in this market, I wouldn't be able to get there. This also precludes slipping out to see a potential new apartment.

I don't even know whose fault this is. I mean, a certain person I'd ask to write a letter of recommendation for me sent her letters in very late (and, in one case, apparently did it WRONG).

But blaming her isn't going to make the postal service move faster or make the grad schools make a decision. Just like my mom needs to learn (but won't) that yelling at me won't suddenly make letters arrive.

She keeps saying DO SOMETHING DO SOMETHING DO SOMETHING but I am not the postal service or a fax machine. I can't make things happen that are out of my control, and bullying me won't make them happen either.

What difference will calling people make if things are in transit? They're not the postal service either. Heck, I don't even think calling the actual postal service would make the letters arrive faster.

But such is my mom's twisted logic. If you punch things hard enough, the world will just magically break to your will.

It's because she's basically gotten away with everything she could ever want for a very long time. She steamrolled my dad, she steamrolled me, she's steamrolling her new boyfriend...

Someday I'll have the strength and energy to articulate to her that she's going to get payback for every day of mine she has ruined and every night she has made me cry myself to sleep.

It would be one thing if it were just an intermittent thing. But this is so consistent that something needs to be done.

Also, it would be one thing if I had a week or so for things to calm down. But she's coming up for my graduation in three days. That's not enough time to restore me to any sort of functioning condition.

She's whining about how nervous she is to see my dad, but with all the drama she's been flinging at me, I am astonished that she doesn't think I'll be nervous to see HER at all.

Of course, I've already determined that her knack for emotionally destroying me and others comes from a stunning lack of empathy and an amazing self-centeredness.

She wouldn't even bother considering such a thing to be possible. I'm her *daughter,* of course I'll be happy to see her~!

I'm getting very sick of having to be subservient to her.

I'm wondering if maybe I should just tell her not to come up.