but also someone that is just that, that isn't around all the time. That I don't have to worry about dating and stuff.

I don't know how to feel about how I feel. :/

Esp since I want there to be... like some kind of emotional investment. I don't do well without the emotional aspect. What is this?

friends with benefits?

my germophobia means this would have to be an exclusive relationship. And when I say emotional investment I mean enough to be interested. I've never been interested in a friend before.

hmmm might be difficult to get all that without the dating part first

I have pretty bold lines between friendship and interested in romance. Downsides of being very gray-a? When I have a sex drive at all I'm demisexual.

This would be why I have no idea what to do about it you know? I mean right now for the first time in at least a couple years I have a pretty "normal" sex drive and a vague urge to date.

but idk if it will last or for how long. And I haven't tried for a relationship in so long I feel like I've forgotten how. And the last few failed because I was... distant.

I don't know how to not be distant. Or... not come off that way because my snuggle/sexy/emotional side comes and goes whenever it wants.

I honestly haven't tried dating since I figured out the label I'm most comfortable with. :/

Perhaps there's a way to find someone who's the same about it

...hmm. Maybe.

I feel like that might just add more difficulty if we don't line up well with how/when things swing.

Mostly I feel like who/what I am is just... too difficult to explain or for someone to handle. Which is why it would be nice to just have a lover to call sometimes.

I wouldn't want to deal with me.

i know a couple who call themselves "swingers" they are married and both have a very significant relationship outside of the marriage. they don't really sleep around, but each has his/her own boy/girl friend

hopes you find that happy medium with someone!