The thing is, it only times one small thing that bothers me to get me upset to the point I'm crying, casually contemplating suicide and self harming.
That one thing reminds me of every time I felt sad or angry or frustrated with myself and life in general.
/);n;/) aaa aris
It's sad, because it's really only minor things that effect me on such a level.
they add up even if they're small
I pulled a muscle in my back this morning and still went to work smiling.
;n; i'm sorry it's been hard on you
Find out my bluray player is a hunk of junk and that it not being able to connect to netflix (the key reason I bought it) is actually a known issue that I can't do anything about and LOLNOPE
Suddenly I'm crying and digging at my arms and having horrible intrusive thoughts.
Objectively I'd say it ties into my self esteem issues.
It's like a reminder that I'm a terrible person who doesn't deserve to be happy and was an idiot for ever getting my hopes up.
Softboiled: It's ugh. You know I can't really say it's been hard. It sure hasn't been ideal but for the most part life has been pretty OK.
Aris...
It's just been... I dunno. I hate saying 'it's just depression' but that's really all I've got.
It's to the point where even happy things make me sad.
Because almost as soon as that feeling of pleasure washes over me, a tidal wave of fear and sadness follows in it's wake because I know whatever made me happy won't last.
I dunno why I even make these post. It's nice to vent sometimes, but in reality I just feel like a car stuck in the mud, spinning it's wheels with no hope of getting free.
it helps letting it out in some way I think
just to get them sorted
I don't really have anyone to talk to, so yeah. Shouting into the void of the internet really is my only option.
My mother doesn't handle my depressive spells well so I'm pretty good at covering it up in my day to day life.
you can talk to us!
;n;
You have better things to worry about.
Like I said, I'm just spinning my wheels because I can't really do anything.
Actually, that's entirely true, because I've given myself a headache now so I'm going to get myself some pain relievers.
;n; aaa
get some good rest
/);n;/)
thank's carol ;;
I am gonna take this opportunity to bugger off and just go to bed
I hope you and Liz have a good night
;A; talk to you soon!
Babe, good night <3
It's okay