Child beauty pageants

Season 1 Skyler White

how ridiculously boring King of the Hill is

when people say: "My parents [insert psychologically scarring or developmentally debilitating thing that parents may do], and I turned out fine" as an excuse to use that technique when raising their children.

Mosquitos

Ticks

That asshole dog in the windows search menu that thinks that thinks that the only things that people search are "pictures, music, or video" and "documents"

that song that rhymes "over" with "four-leaf clover"

the summer when it's not raining all the time

parfuums and calognes

condos getting legally married

condor fights

black market stereo speaker salesmen!

The smell of Lysol disinfecting wipes.

hand sanitizer

French grammar

the word "menagerie" when used anywhere but in songs from Disney's Aladdin.

French derived words in general! Except some names. And except the word "tabarnak"

Missionaries

lactating candlelight.

Making silly lists when you're actually just avoiding going back to sleep because it's now the afternoon.