I see people freaking out over the Agents of SHIELD trailer "OMG! COULSON LIVES!!!! <3" OF COURSE HE LIVES! That was NOT a Joss Whedon character death. That was a soap opera "coming back one day, or maybe-

I'll be my own twin... WHO KNOWS! MWAH HA HA!" death.

If a character is fer realz dead in something Whedon did, you're going to get a view of the corpse so in-your-face you can smell it, all while being reminded of all the times the character made you love them.

None of this, "No, really guys... would I lie to you? I mean about this? Dude's dead. Fer realz. Trust me."

Clearly, I've been harboring bottled feels about seeing people go "OH NOEZ! COULSON'S DEAD! ALL MY TEARS ARE BELONG TO COULSON'S GRAVE!" all this time.

I'll stop now. Goodnight.

So, let me get this straight... you're saying I was right all along because I'm not obsessed enough to hang on every scrap of hint and rumor?

That's not really fair, Kelly. The only reason you don't get that obsessed is because you can't afford comics and movies all the time. Play nice, bitch.

(Sometimes I need to tell myself off.)

Even knowing that, I would expect that it would have been presented as a Whedon character death because, otherwise, why the fuck hire Whedon? I mean... srsly.

Besides, I think he likes killing characters the way he does. Which, honestly, I appreciate. It makes the deaths matter. I don't have to worry about death just being a convenient way of writing them out.

I'm probably cranky because I'm going through a "I have no friend group" thing again. I bet if I looked deep down inside, I'd find out I'm just jealous because other people get to enjoy things as groups.

WoW players, comic fans, etc. Everybody has groups. I have... people still popping up to follow me on Twitter sometimes and I don't think they know I quit WoW months ago.

But that's the thing... it was quick and simple. He wasn't blown to bits. Nor was there lingering and talking during his last breaths with others running in to see him die. It was just... too simple.

Too easy to say, "Yeah... no. I saw the body. Trust me." And, of course, EVERYONE would trust Fury. And Coulson seemed like EXACTLY the kind of person to agree that the team needed something to unite them, and-

if believing he was dead would do it, then he'd be dead for them.

He just strikes me as that kind of, "I don't have superpowers, but I will be happy to play possum for the team" kind of guy.

You're being my group right now. Two is a group, right?

David was my group, but then this season of Drag Race ended. I feel kind of on my own until the next season starts.

I just don't have people to have passionate discussions about things with. Because I don't buy the right games, or watch the right TV shows, or some shit.

It's kind of depressing to be a lonely misfit in a subculture that exists to give lonely misfits a peergroup.

Honey... if everybody who stopped breathing was dead, I'd be Zombear the Undead Tyrant.

Um... Mat? He totally had a first name. It's Agent. Agent Coulson.

No, really... that's what everybody calls him! What do YOU think his first name is?

And I was totally channeling Fizzy. It's a lot like that time she thought Mograine and Fordring had the same first name... Highlord.

Phil? Did you just make that up?

If you tell me his middle name is McCracken, I'll know you're kidding.

I did. But they made it look like he really did die.

Things I have learned. A. Maybe I was the only person I know who was sure Coulson wasn't dead. 2. Lee was saying she believed he was dead, not that she's kidding about his name being Phil McCracken Coulson.

III. I don't follow my own conversations very well.