that make shit better?

im so damn scared right now and i dont wanna dump this on anyone because

apparently my friends can't keep their mouthes shut

but im sick of hurting people..

im sick of being scared to say anything

its done nothing but get me in trouble

and i can't breathe

i think i messed up..

shit started going down with my cousin, and my cousin likes the guy that my boyfriend's living with

so my boyfriend's hearing it from him

and he's getting all sorts of upset and then he adds the fact that i told my friend that he was being clingy to the mix

and starts getting upset about that too

and my friend just couldn't keep his mouth shut and let me tell him when i was ready

so he got all sorts of upset with me and i didnt know what to say or do and.. i just can't seem to get anything right

no i told my friend who's also my boyfriend's best friend

about this incident we had and how i thought he might be a bit clingy

my boyfriend, that is

and.. my friend went and told him

so ontop of all this shit going on with my cousin

my boyfriend got mad that i thought he was being clingy

and i tried to explain that i just needed some space but he --im the bad guy because i don't know how to handle anything

he works nearly every day--5 days a week at least

and i see him almost every day

even if its for a few hours

every bit of free time i have until he goes into work goes into seeing him

and he's brought up some things that make me feel like crap but im too scared to say anything

and.. and i told him that

i told him i was scared to say things

sometimes... and he got all im such a horrible person and i should just disappear on me

and i told him not to start that

and he thinks im scared of him

after i told both HIM AND HIS MOM that im not

too late..

no

he lives with his mom and her boyfriend

the kid that lives with him is 17

my cousin's about to turn 18

no his mom and me were talking one day and she said she could tell i was scared of his anger

and im like no, not really

but she won't listen to me 'cause she thinks she knows me

and she told him that she could see the fear in me

and of course of ALL THE TIMES to start listening to her

'cause he NEVER FUCKING DOES

it's now

i told him im not scared OF HIM

im scared of hurting his feelings JUST LIKE IM SCARED TO HURT EVERYONE ELSES

i swear i have anxiety

or something idefk

but he's a really outgoing person that takes every bit of free time he has to hang out with other people

he's the first real relationship ive had with anyone within driving distance

in 3 years

no..4

4 years..

i was pretty much ALONE all the time

im not used to being around people all the time, even in the almost 8 months we've been together im still not

and i tried to explain that but he just doesn't get it

he just tells me 'well sorry for wanting to spend time with you" because he acts like we NEVER DO

we may not have as much JUST US time

but.. for me just being with him is enough..

just being with PEOPLE is enough

and wow im ranting im so sorry

well i do.. i should have just been able to talk to him about it..

did.. i add the right skype?

of yours.. 'cause im spamming like crazy

and i feel bad