so i dont really use plurk anymore?

not really sure why i guess cause who really even cares

but i guess during times like this its good

where i can just rant to myself? and id rather put my thoughts down somewhere so i can hear myself think and not leave myself with my thoughts

but anyway im just not okay

im not okay

I guess i need to go back to seeing my therapist again or see a new one.

i stopped going cause of health insurance reasons but now that i have it i should just go back

especially with the way i've been feeling lately

I've just felt really numb lately and i guess depressed

not like IM DEPRESSED just i feel its more lingering and dampening than just reoccurring sadness

just im so angry and frustrated and i dont know why???

everything pisses me off. everyone is grating. and i constantly want to be left alone

but at the same time im really lonely ??? like im not even sure how that makes any sense and i feel really fucking immature and 15

like i broke up with my "girlfriend" fling i had and i didn't give a shit

i got rejected by my crush and didn't really give a shit

i then immediately got high and had sex with this girl i started hanging out with

and i just didn't even give a shit

like she's really nice and sweet and honest and cute and im just fucking lying to her face about giving a shit

im just so bored i figured why the fuck not

i feel like im starting to become a bad person cause im just starting to give less of a shit about what people think of me

and NOT in a self confidence kind of way.

like I know i SHOULD feel bad, but lately im just starting to feel less and less guilty

and all i really want to do is smoke A LOT of weed and drink a lot

and i feel like thats really unhealthy and NOT solving anything and making shit worse and im just fed up with my own bullshit

like im some fucking tortured soul boo hoo waaah poor me when i have nothing to fucking complain about

im a cis white-passing man, financially supportive mother, a pretty healthy family, friends, loved ones, i've had successful relationships and im perfectly physically healthy

so what the fuck

am i doing

ranting to no one but myself on some social fucking media site

about what? fucking nothing really

i guess i feel like a big fucking baby and i need to grow the fuck up, go see a therapist or just fucking shut up

i guess i can't be full of confidence and sunshine 100% of the time

just wanna get over it all ready and move on

okay end of rant i think

sorry

yeah i agree with nicole. and also like... having sex with someone just cuz also doesn't really make you a bad person? i would just talk to a therapist about it though

you also have therapists at your school so you should take advantage of that if nothing else

Third-ing this also, even though I'm late. Because I don't use plurk alot lately either T__T But yeah, I hope you can get everything sorted out with therapy. And feel free to hit me up for a talk if you want