Also, I think I like having plurk to say this kind of thing to. I should use it more.

Yes, you should!

who is being a douche to you

No, it's nothing like that.

A friend is just being kind of stupid about something, and I'd like to kick her to get her going.

give her a swift foot to the rump

Sounds like a plan.

punch her in the snout to establish superiority /problem sleuth

Pfft! Good idea.

Just like

shake them like a crying baby.

Whoops no wait

yes good

PFFFFT! I've physically tried that. It's not very effective...