YES!! I AM ALIVE!!..
everything is a Lie..
my Cancer..its not true..
even that I said I hate you..its not true.. everything is a lie..

why I do so?.. because I need to--
its a dream to be with you..
but I see that this dream is not
for us.. its only for me..

I see that guy is same dream as mine..
I need to fight for my dream.. but
I think He can grant you all what you need
and what you want..

its farewell for me--
for us.. yah--
its ok dont worry..
im not dying.. everything is a lie.. but my love for you is not a lie.. its forever

dont wait for me.. and I wont too--
its all done.. be happy what you have now..
be sad what you miss..
cry if you need to-- its normal..

its not a punishment.. and I dont blame you..
of course im happy..happy that you be part
of my memories.. a memories I valued most..

infinity--its a loop.. a loop for mistake, cruel, worst,
and turn to happiness.. its a loop..
I hate it--
but im the one who create it--

I blame my self from the first..but
I thank my self for the last..
why? its for you.. for your future..
not for us.. but only for you..

Im not looking for a date..
not interested..
im not looking for who
but looking for myself.. now Im change..you cant see how..

you can feel it.. but open your eyes..
see what Ive done? everything is worst
and bad.. yah its my fault.. its my problem.
have to fix this

i dont know what to do..
stop..think..sleep..eat..
time is past..and everything
start over again.. wait? is this the loop?

ow I got it..

now what?? what should I do?
nothing? there is a thing to solve this..
but I left nothing.. I do all solution I know..
i left nothing more.

its 1.30 morning.. 20 of february year 2012..
feels cold..cant sleep.. thinking.. what just
happened yesterday.. its just like a dream

a dream that I met a college student..
boyish and dont know how to wear a makeup..
I laugh..coz she's thinking is like a boy..

Im happy to be with her..we together eat, study,
practice dance and tells the story..
I think im inlove?

yes I am!..but I dont know what to say..
should I tell her that this strange feelings
of mine beats my heart and couldnt fall to sleep

but I dont what to loose her if she tells that
shes not the same as mine..

its raining..laying in my bed..feels cold..
I think its my time?..
no its not--
phone is ringing.. someones calling me.. its

Its her..
heart stop to beat..
should I answer her?
------yes 'hello?' we talk..talk talk talk..

then she starts to cry.. why?
she tells that she love me..
then I tell her my feelings..
next day we meet.. we kissed..

TRIALS HERE..
this guy wants to date with her..
she ask me what to do.. I replied;
'its not my situation to answer it'

I leave them..for their relationship.. and my own good as well..
blame me Im a coward..
but I think thats my option to do--

I leave the school.. and start again to beginning..
I cant forget her--

I scarified my feelings..
dont worry its ok.. well meet you soon..
2years later..she call me on my fone..

should I answer her call? - yes -

we met at SM-- and its like a dream again together with her..
walk with her to her house..
and start to messaging each other again..

its a dream that came true....

but I made a loop.. a loop that brings down our relationship..
see?.. its my fault.. only me..
cake, psp, roses..wont work anymore..

she met this guy.. a guy from a past and dreaming for her..
'like mine?'
just like my dream to be with this girl..

from her perspective..im worst..
and for that guy is for good..
.
. I think its better that you leave me. but you cant say it to me.. .

same here..
but..that words came from me..
---------------'lets finish this'

its done..

hope your happy now with this guy..
wish for your future..
its for you.. its for you..
im done here..

you have to forget me..
you cant?
why?
its hard? you'll forget me soon.. its hard but im sure you will.. I HAVE A CANCER!!..

now your done.. thanks.. but its a lie..
its for you to live normal..
its for you to live with your dream..
and its for your sake..

If you want to ask me if that I still love you?
'yes'
I still..but we cant be together again..
remember the loop? 8-- its a loop for worst..

the rain is clear..and its gone..

but the scar still remain..

im just memory of a guy that who loved you..
its just a memory that makes you smile and cry..
I really want to hugs you once again..

Im missing you..
Im sorry for the lie..
.
. I have this heavy reason.. its better that I carry this pain..own my own

this is Rowell
saying 'Iloveyou' and goodnight.. 8

don't hold on too long to what's never meant, sometimes we need to let things free before it hurts us badly.