And now i feel like garbage. I didnt need to know what shim did with this person, especially when hir significant other is so trusting and

Doesnt have a clue, unless its on some other level. I dont know what i should do. Shim doesnt want me to tell hir.

I feel dirty and angry and wrong for knowing and not telling. Someone please halp

why you feel dirty about someone else's secret?

if you've shared with your best friend how you're feeling about knowing

could it be that you feel dirty because you feel you have no business knowing it? maybe youd rather not have known?

I feel dirty bc i knew it was going to happen. And i feel as if i should have stopped it. Shim knows how i feel about these things since

I have been cheated on in the past. Shim doesnt want to tell hir SO i feel she/he has a right to know

But shim wont tell hir. I knew before shim told me, they just confirmed my thoughts. Everytime i think about it i want to just hurt them

if you're friends with your best friend's SO. because that greatly complicates things.

Because of what they did to hir SO. It's not like the other person didnt know. She/he was fully aware. But that didnt hinder shim at al

Im not bestfriends with the SO but we are kinda friends

what you're considering doing now.

had the issue where my best friend's SO told me he was going to break things off with her

and I had to stand by- I know how you feel. This blows

It sounds like your friend is being pretty shitty. If you feel bad about this, then tell your friend that

you feel they should own up to what they did, or else you're going to tell the SO yourself.

They've dumped their own crap on you and now you have to deal with it in a way that doesn't make you feel complicit

seriously, it's their secret. Not yours. And it's your duty as a friend to be silent, even if you don't agree.

I think in cases like murder, that's probably not so... but not sticking his/her prick where it "shouldn't" be.

TBH, I disagree. Should you go telling everyone? No. But I don't think it's your duty to be silent

I think if you have a duty, it's to try to help your friend to not be a cheating douchebag

It's emotional manipulation to "confide" the cheating in a friend and then say, "but you can't tell anyone no matter how bad you feel"

If they don't feel guilty, then frankly, IDK if they're a person you should be friends with

It shows their character, IMO

unless i was close friends with the SO, i wouldn't tell. but i might seriously consider ending my friendship, depending on the circumstance

urge them to come clean. Landing you with this kind of secret is no good. Tell them how you feel. Tell them to come clean.

Poke_chan: I agree with this, but absolutely do not tell your friend's SO yourself. You will only create a conflict that's not yours

to fight.

sasy yeah. Don't out the secret yourself. That's just a little wrong.

who can you trust if you can't trust your friends.

j3ebrules: Has her friend proven herself to be a trustworthy person by cheating on her SO?

ditto

would probably just try to run as far away from that situation as possible. it's a bad place to be in and there's no reason to stay involved

Chichirinoda: Not trustworthy to her SO, but people are different in different situations.

That's like saying MLK Jr. was a monster for being a womanizer. No, he did great things in his life. He was a bad BOYFRIEND.

I never said the person was a monster

So, just because someone is a bad PARTNER doesn't mean they are a bad FRIEND. So you shouldn't be a bad friend either. They didn't hurt you.

I don't see why the OPs trustworthiness ever came up tbh. I'm advising that she tell the cheater to own up and be a person of integrity

And for there to be consequences, such AS the SO finding out, if the OP chooses to make that choice, if they don't.

Cheaters and untrustworthy people get away with being that way by playing on the guilt of those they dump their shit onto

Because people are too worried about being seen as untrustworthy themselves to even call people on their crap

So the cheater can merrily go about banging anyone they like, possibly exposing their SO to STDs and god knows what, because the

OP will say nothing for fear of losing a friendship.

That is all I'm getting at.

And sorry, I didn't see you say she wasn't a bad friend. The person did hurt the OP, because she said up there she now feels horrible

I think that counts as hurting someone. Even if it's not as bad as actually cheating

i guess the solution to this issue, since some friends have diff ideas about when to keep a secret, is that

a) a cheater should warn the friend that zie needs to tell the friend something that can be considered immoral and

the friend needs to be upfront and honest about what THEY consider immoral.

I'm touchy about it b/c I had a friend who assumed I was cheating (even though I wasn't), and had I been, she would have gone right to my SO

I thought it was shitty of her, but I was glad that this happened when I wasn't cheating - what if I was? I would have been fucked over.

Then I'd think I had a friend to confide in, but wouldn't. It's not right, but if I knew ahead of time this person would have a moral

dilemma, I wouldn't say anything to her specifically if I had acted strongly against her morals.