PapaAuditore
has
a secret occupation...
Oh really?
Yeah, you will never guess it.
Stripper.
Nope.
LIES,'
WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT BEING RUDE?
Papa doesn't lie. He twists the truth to suit the situation.
Just like a banker slash assassin should
...Fuck.
But you're still a stripper, I bet.
More of a writer of the homosexually erotic. I also kill people for money.
-shrugs shoulders.- Close enough.
How is being an Assassin close to stripping?
...What did you think I was training you for?
-awkward stare.-
You were training me to be an Assassin? I thought I was going to be a stri--
I mean, yes father. Assassin.
Totally.
(WE'RE NOT SERIOUSLY RPING HERE BECAUSE I'M JUST TROLLIN' HI.)
(RIGHT? ;w; )
(I love both of you, just letting you know.)
(TROLLOLOLOL)
(Though the image of Federico taking all of his father's training and using it to be a male stripper is almost too great to ignore.)
You do not use stealth to burst out of cakes, damnit!
Well sometimes people are assholes and demand refunds that I just don't want to give. /cocks out hip.
/examines nails.
...Are they clean nails?
You can strip when you have filthy nails
not that i would know or anything.
My nails are always clean, qurl.
You need to be fabulous. Here. *hands over feather boa, cap and sequenced short-shorts*
Peel the shorts off slowly, so they don't tear.
But my clients
they like it when I rip my clothes off.
Hang on, I have a pair of shorts for that...
*hands over* velcrose in the back. Perfect for quick ripping.
-look of absolute glee.- Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.
*Hands over a little bow tie* A pene bow. For the more formal functions.
(WHAT AM I WITNESSING)
TRAINING, BOY. TRAINING!
-PULLS EZIO INTO THE ROOM-
You give *horrible* lapdances, Ezio.
-points at Papa- LEARN FROM THE OBVIOUS ASSMAN.
SWAY THOSE HIPS
You look like a stick insect when you move. Not good for pleasing clients.
Shimmy, Ezio, *shimmy*!
How are you supposed to work in Lorenzo's bank if you don't meet his admittedly strange requirements?
*WATCHING HIS BROTHER.* I don't know if I want to participate in this training....
Would it be easier if we gave you a sequined dress to shimmy in?
I'm not sure if that would change much. :I *... tries shimmying anyway*
Or a leotard, maybe?
What if we chased you around with a blow-up sex cow until you got it right? Would that help?
...... Blow-up sex cow.... What exactly have you two been doing?!
Home-school.
Federico... Blow up the cow. Ezio is clearly in need of some incentive.
NO, NO, THAT'S OKAY. I CAN SHIMMY. I CAN. *SHIMMIES.*
*WHIPS* YOUR ARSE IS NOT FLUID. BECOME ONE WITH THE OCEAN.
YOU ARE A WAVE AND YOUR CLIENT IS THE BEACH UPON WHICH YOU WASH
I-I DON'T HAVE ANY CLIENTS
It's okay. Nail the movements, the clients come later. Literally.
And always remember: Your pene must move with the shimmy.
(I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M DOING ANYMORE.)
(I AM LAUGHING SO HARD OH GOD)
Or move in the opposite direction.
It creates a hypnotic kind of dance.
Bitches love that.
Give those bitches alternative penis dance.
Once that is mastered, we can move onto the hip thrusts.
And then upper body shimmies.
And whip your hair back and forth with your pene.
I WHIP MY DICK BACK AND FORTH~
I CAN ONLY HOPE
YOUR PENIS IS LONGER THAN YOUR PONY TAIL
DO NOT DISHONOUR YOUR FAMILY WITH A TINY PENIS, EZIO.
I HATE BOTH OF YOU. I AM FABULOUSLY ENDOWED.
Federico
is
THAT LIFE SIZE OR IS IT MINIATURE?
FUCK YOU.
NOT WITH THAT LIOL THING YOU AIN'T
LIL*
Now, now, Federico. With Ezio's looks he is more suited to the bottom anyway.
...........................
How right you are, father. -shit eating grin.-
Don't worry, Ezio. We're just discussing your employment possibilities.
He needs a tutor, I think. What happened to that Leonardo fellow?
Leonardo definitely knows how to work it. -nods-
((What the heeeeeeeeeell ))
Vieri! How would you like to make some money as a tutor?
VIERI?!!? NOT WITH VIERI. NO WAY.
Ssh, Ezio. Daddy's working.
I....don't even /want/ to know what is going on
-rips off all his clothes.-
-shimmies torso at Vieri.-
Shh.
*Just come*.
FRATELLO YOU ARE SUCH A WHORE.
....................................................................No sorry, can't do.
Your brother is just /too loud/ : |
You said you liked it last night.
Work it, son.
*Work it.*
Don't I always? /winks.
I-/what/, I spend last night with yo-------...
;>
Vieri doesn't seem to appreciate your finely-honed training, Fed.
Vieri never appreciates anything I do.
It's why I'm still a stripper.
Because those men appreciate my talents.
Son, you need to learn something.
*staring at Fed. Just. Just staring.*
when people don't appreciate you, you tie them down and MAKE them appreciate.
I proposed to financially aid you once. You were too busy doing your /job/ to listen to me.
SEVERAL THINGS AT ONCE.
MY PENIS CANNOT HANDLE IT.
Poor baby.
Overstimulation, you know. -jizzles all over Vieri's face.-
You-Hey! *tries to wipe it off, ends of smearing it on his face*
Vieri, I know my son. If he were SATISFIED, he wouldn't turn to stripping. HMMM?
I--*red* Idon'tknowwhatyouaretalkingabout!
Papa knows best! owo
You don't know? That's probably why he isn't satisfied then.
*facepalm* I hate you all.
*Hands silk ropes to Federico* You will need these for later, I think.
*AWWYISSS*
Don't forget that pene bow tie, either. *whisperwhisperwhisper*
*I'M NOT HERE, HAHA THIS IS ONLY A DREAM -DENY*
-whispers back- I'll never take it off.
*Whisper* Strike now, son. He's in denail, his guard is down!
-crotch shots Vieri-
((I read that as he kicked Vieri in the balls. /IDEK))
(me too)
((That's what it iis))
(( <; ))
*writhe in pain on the floor*
Well. There goes his incentive to ever please you.
Stripping pays better.
*sorry, busy feeling like dying to care about what you are saying*
Where did Ezio go? He should take this chance to practice on a real human being, while Vieri can't fight back.
WHAT. NO. *tries to crawl away*
THE SILK ROES I GAVE YOU EARLIER, FEDERICO. *USE THEM NOW.*
*NO, NO FUCK, CRAWLS FASTER*
Goddamnit, he needs another crotch-punt. *kicks*
-TAACKLES AND TIES UP WITH SILK ROPE.-
YEAAAAAAAAH *SHIMMIES* GO SON, GO!
*why the fuck did he think it was a good idea to get up this morning*
I don't understand why he doesn't enjoy the Auditore treatment. *Shakes head*
.............. I actually feel sorry for Vieri. Two crotch punts? Ouch.
*maybe because he got kicked twice in the balls*
Just mellowing you up, that's all!
*glares at you*
-rips off the bootie velcro shorts.-
Pene bow!
*basks in the glory of the pene bow* Oh son, you look so sophisticated.
.......................... *staaaares*
Vieri's tastes are clearly not refined enough for you.
Why the hell do you have a /bow/ on your *pene*
Formality!
*rips off velcro-shorts to reveal matching bow*
Ezio, quick! Rip off your velcro booty shorts
and reveal the pene bow!
....WHY DID YOU RIP OFF YOUR SHORTS TOO
Me? Should I not have?
It would be blasphemous to not have one, isn't that right, father?
Yes. Your brother is pushing my patience by not having one.
*begrudgingly rips off shorts to reveal.... the bow.* Ta-da.
No, no no---WHY. WHAT DID I DO.
-CHEERS-
I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE PROUD OF YOU, EZIO.
I AM SO ASHAMED.
*wipes away tears* I am so proud of both my sons right now.
/HOLDS PAPA
*WANTS TO GOUGE HIS EYES OUT. but he is tied*
Oh yeah, I forgot he was tied.
I wonder how he would look in a sequined dress?
I support leotards.
Leotards are good, son. You know him best, you pick one.
I'm not a DOLL.
Ssh, Vieri. Dolls don't speak.
/pulls out the sequined, shiny tassel embroidered one.
/red, fire red.
DONT GET THAT CLOSE TO ME
*struggles*
*Wrestles his clothes off* PUT IT ON HIM, SON. NOOOOOW!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*burns his other clothes* He'll have to wear it now!
-SLIDES THE LEOTARD ON.-
qurl you fabuulousaaa~
*HORRIFIED LOOK*
Now THAT is fashion.
*struggles some more, wants to get the hell out of there*
*just watching, pretty much equally as horrified as Vieri. But he can't help but laugh. Ha. Just desserts.*
PapaAuditore
is
now a good time to reveal that THIS IS FOR SCARRING MY SON'S FACE, HUH VIERI?????
OH FUCK YOU, THAT WAS CENTURIES AGO
REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED COLD.
AND HE ONLY HAD TO MOVE HIS STUPID HEAD
BEST. SERVED. COLD.
HEY, MY HEAD IS NOT STUPID, THANKS.
ITS NOT MY FAULT IF HIS BRAIN DOESN'T COMPREHEND WHAT "CROUCHING" MEAN.
Oh, that's it. Bring out the sex cow.
.....What is the sex co--nevermind I don't want to know *struggles some more*
You're lucky. We seemed to have misplaced the cow.
I MUST DEPART. AU REVOIR.
((Oh god. I love you all, but it is too early for me to be laughing like this.))
/rips off pene bow, throws it in the air. disappears.
THAT'S MY STEALTHY BOY!
((FED. DON'T GO. I LOVE YOU.))
DANCE OFF INTO THE VELCRO-SHORTS SUNSET
((/DYING))
((velcro-shorts of love all 'round.))