I joke but I'm not doing especially well at the moment

oh boy...

Oh jeezus Ant...

so my mom has been banging on for the last month telling me repeatedly not to get her anything for Christmas because she can't afford to give us anything and she won't be humiliated when she can't give anyone presents blah blah blah

Oof

because Christmas is all about presents, right?

So I tried to give her something yesterday and she refused it, knowing damn well that one of my earliest traumas was her denying a gift from me as a child but hey, I brought that on myself, right??

my anxiety has been dialed up to 15 for the last week expecting another fight somewhere. She told me Monday she was going to sit in her room all Christmas Day because she didn't want to interact with my brother

as someone whose entire childhood was dictated by people actively being miserable and avoiding one another, this has been affecting me in a way I can't quite put into words

it's been fucking me up

my very Merry Christmas was actually just me pretending not to be miserable

I felt like shit almost all yesterday guys and I was too afraid to show it because I didn't want people to worry about me

I didn't even want to come out of my room today

so Hilary was focused on making dinner and apparently my mom came down and said 'hi' but Hilary didn't respond because she was focused on dinner?? And also, I'm sure Hilary doesn't want to talk to her considering

gestures at the last week

so my mom comes to ME to tell me that Hilary has an attitude with her, you know, like a grown woman. As if I'm going to spring to her defense. I asked her why she's even asking me? I don't want to get involved. They're grown adults.

so when my mom leaves and Hilary tries to explain to her why her behavior is unacceptable, my mom starts "uh huh"ing her to death and walks out back. You know. Like a child.

that was the line for me

you don't disrespect my wife

so I went after her

told her I want her out

I don't remember everything that was said because I was seeing red but she started crying "Elder abuse" and that I never appreciated what she did around the house and that she didn't raise me to be this way etc etc

I made furious jerk off motions at some point

told her I want her out in a week. When I told her I didn't want her smoking anywhere on the premises anymore, she said "This isn't your house, it's Hilary's"

you know, subtle jab that I'm a failure and I only have a house because I got lucky and married someone vastly better than I could ever be

then she ignored Hilary's demand to stop smoking and that was it. Called the cops

but they couldn't do anything because there was no actual crime but they gave us some resources and we can start the eviction process and I'm feeling extra super fucking great about myself

(I'm not)

I feel like a garbage person. A failure. I'm shaking from both depression and rage

You are not a failure and she is the garbage person here. You’ve literally been giving her a home and trying to be a dutiful son and she’s continued to spit on you about all of it. She is the failure. Like who turns down a gift from a kid? Only assholes

gosh ant
i mean how many times does she have to cross your boundaries
you're not garbage for having them

tonight was the last

maybe if I wasn't so spectacularly weak as a person it never would have come to this

but I am

my inaction caused this

idk if caring about being reasonable and wanting to be fair is weak

nothing you did caused this. she fucked around your whole life and now she is finding out. these are her consequences to face

You are not weak. Everyone has limits. You’ve been very restrained and more than understanding and generous.

Your mother is a narcissist. And she has now reaped what she has spent decades sewing. Actions have consequences, and hers are to lose that last of the grace you’ve shown her.

You’re not weak, you’re generous and kind. That’s why you put up with it so long - you didn’t want her to suffer so much from her actions. That’s not weak!!! But even we kindhearted second (and on) chance givers have to set a boundary at some point. And you did that

You have been a gracious host and caring son. It isn’t your fault she made her choices as she did. I know the voices of the past are damn loud tho. Please be kind to yourself as you can

she's like actively looking for fans to hit shit with

You are enforcing the boundaries you told her about, warned her about and showed her. It is not weakness to hold to them - it is strength of character to stand up to her and refuse to let her continue ruining your holidays.

You are entitled to live and respect and to be happy and safe in your own home. This is not her house, and you owe her nothing further. The guilt you’ve been raised with will say otherwise - but you know that it’s true.

I tried to be understanding

Her baby brother died a week and a half ago.

But she was soliciting my brother who is on parole to try and get her pain pills and my brother (rightly) told her to shove it. So she’s crying about not having money for gifts but could afford 300 dollars for pain meds

god

I’m...idk

I’m in a bad place

yeah i don't blame u man!! but this is not all on u

And I’m gonna stream in 15 to try and mask this horrible feeling I have in my gut

it's just
a mess
ur in the mess
but u are not THE mess

damn, good on you for drawing the line and protecting your wife.

Dude my grandmother passed unexpectedly a week after thanksgiving and yet I’m not being a piece of shit to anyone. You’re not weak. Not at all. I absolutely understand the feeling and I’m so fucking mad for you

bursts I can take any amount of shit leveled at me but I will not accept a single person disrespecting my wife

can you get some quiet and alone time for a little while right now? sounds like you could use the space to clear your head

That was my final line tonight

i wouldn't allow that shit to happen to my spouse either

She threatened to beat the shit out of me over the summer and whatever she can break her hands on my 6’3” ass for all I care but the second she disrespects my wife that’s it.

I wouldn’t be a fraction of who I am or have a fraction of what I have now without her

I'm sorry about your family, man. i know what it's like to be in the middle of the fucking white trash carnival and it's hard.

And my mother smugly pointing out that this house isn’t mine it’s Hilary’s was a great way for her to tear me down and I hate that it worked

you both deserve better

Because she’s right, what the fuck did I contribute to buying this house on my useless GameStop salary?

ok who cares

point is you have a house and with the person you love most. sounds like an accomplishment to me

good job tbh

Hilary obviously doesn’t care, because she’s actually a decent human

Man I must be fucked up if someone telling me “good job” is enough to make me break down into tears

ok if owning a house is the baseline for whatever the fuck standard
where's her house huh

^^^^^

yeah, if owning a house is so easy where's here?

I just went to Facebook and these were the first two posts so I am leaving them for you as well

*hers

She sold hers to move out here with us and likes to blame me

Yeah literally she’s degrading you for not owning the house but at least you are wanted in the house. She has not been

Because she asked to move out here with us

she BEGGED YOU to let her come with!

god nothing is ever her fault ever in her entire goddamn life

Sounds like she’s suffering from her own choices again, how about that

oh she's delusional

play stupid games, win stupid prizes

that's fun

Seconding Kiwi and Mimmi so hard dude

BitterBearFace: you did do a good job though. don't let your mom set the goal posts. you've done well for yourself and want to keep doing well and do right by others... like. I'm not seeing the failure or mistakes. doubt your wife does either

You and Hillary are building the life you want together. That’s a huge accomplishment. You did good, Ant.

and your wife and your own opinion is the most important

BESIDES I ONLY HIT ON QUALITY WOMEN —

i am forcefully removed from the plurk

I love you guys...

The best way to prove her wrong is to continue to build a life you enjoy with your chosen family

ily too ant
we got your back, thick and thin

I’m on mobile, so can’t join the stream, but I love you tons, and you are not a piece of shit. You are a good, tired man whose long fuse has burnt down to the bomb. She made this bed, not you.

imma be real

your mom can fuck all the way off, she has long since lost the right to have any input on your life and what dictates being a failure or not

you know who decides that? the people whose opinion you actually give a shit about

and I'm willing to bet that's hil

also, "this is hilary's house"? bitch, it ain't even YOUR house! who the shit are you to throw stones about people's fiscal habits when you can't even go into a walmart without fucking shoplifting, you broke ass dumbass?

LMAO

fuck I forgot about that

get a fucking job, you broke ass bitch

don't start none and there won't be none

THIS GUY GETS IT

It really won’t be her house now.

you know what MY mom taught me? don't start fights, but definitely fucking finish them

megasquip the ending to Halo 2 just played in my mind

so, since your mom is a fucking literal child who needs a fucking bib and diaper to throw her dumb little tantrums, lemme pass on some advice to her: DON'T START FIGHTS YOU CAN'T WIN

DO NOT

so true

DISH IT

IF YOU CAN'T

TAKE IT

at least I can take a measure of pride knowing that I did, in fact, end the fight

bitter victory but yours all the same

lmao yeah no "find a reason to start a fight, then act like the victim" is her MO

she only starts, no finish

"this is hil's house" bitch, do you want hil to be the one to kick you out? you realize she ain't in your fucking corner, right?

you realize ant is the one being NICE, right???

of course you don't, that would involve literally any fucking spatial awareness

and you ain't aware of the fucking ground you walk on, much less other people

get a fucking job, you stupid manipulative freeloader

God, as if you’re not working a full-time job yourself, AND streaming, AND podcasting. AND being a supportive husband and amazing friend. You have plenty of worth, she’s just fucking blind as a mole.

that's an insult to moles

I have a feeling if it really was up to Hil to make all house-related decisions, this would've happened a while ago already

True, my apologies, moles. Blind as an flatworm.

blind as a pet rock, and about as useful

Chris wins.

yeah no I have zero attachment to this woman. and a healthy bit of vitriol since years ago she invited me to live in her spare room, then threw me out

your mom fucking infuriates me

GUESS SHE BETTER PICK HERSELF UP BY HER BOOTSTRAPS THEN, SHOULDN'T SHE

oh man you have no idea

she is the strongest and most independent woman who has only ever done things for herself because no one else has been good enough to help her and also she didn't need it clearly

good to know! then she won't need shit in a week when she's out on her ass! good luck, and enjoy the fucking fall

and also she is the biggest and most pathetic victim and ohhh if only god would finally answer her prayers and help her, the most independent woman!!

god has his airpods in, he can't hear you

I honestly have asked myself: if I threw her out, what would even happen? I can only see her sitting on the stoop, yowling like a stray cat, hoping that if she is sad enough we will show pity and let her back in

lmao seriously

at that point we call that trespassing on private property

and disturbing the peace

I used to be pretty ambivalent about religion, but she has made me resent religiousness purely because it makes her feel like she can take credit for things without actually doing a single responsible thing about it

because yeah when we work hard and overcome obstacles -- DEFINITELY because of her prayers, we should be grateful to her and to god!!

I love when God absolves me of all responsibilities for my actions

thatssss not how prayer works mama but ok go off

hey god, can you absolve me of paying rent?

since that's how it works apparently

this woman always sounds so goddamn exhausting

anyway yeah. she has no ally in me. I have tolerated her because I love and respect ant, and he wanted to put in the work to build a healthier relationship with her. so I have been doing my best to support that, and especially to support him.

but in the end, she is not putting in the same work. and my suspicions are that she was only putting enough in to get the "I'm trying" credit. letting her survive unchanged as long as possible.

^^^

i mean the literal fact she was trying to get your brother on parole to go break the law for her.......bitch, don't fucking get your son rearrested, what kind of shitty mother does that

I am so sorry, Ant. Your mother is a piece of shit. I'm glad you stood up to her, and are evicting her, Long time coming

well well well, if it isn't the consequences of your mother's actions

I'm late and scrolling through in horror and I need to back up what's been said: this isn't your fault. you are not weak or a failure for being a victim of her abuse your whole life.

you are kind and generous and she took advantage of that. that's on her.

^

I am so sorry she put your through this and made christmas wholly Shit but again, that's all her.

could you have stood up to her and had her out sooner? Plausibly, we can't really know if it'd have felt any better. but it was her responsibility as your mother and as a decent human being to not put you in this position to begin with, and she failed those from day one.

I'm very late to this but I am so sorry you and your wife had to put up with your "mother", quotations here being very generous because it's laughable calling someone who behaves like a screaming fussy toddler pitching a fit if you're not giving them everything and more a parent.

Glad you put your foot down. People like her has to face the music they choose to tune into.

holy fuck Ant, I'm late to this too but holy fuck. I'm amazed you gave her an entire wee after that, tbh, and not like

24 hours.

this woman has zero sense of self-preservation, at all. it's mind-boggling.

chriiissst dude

You did everything you could to repair the bridge. She was the one with the gasoline tank, covering her side of it in fuel, and then lighting a cigarette near it and dropping the still burning butt to the ground.

it's extremely common for folks who grew up with narcissistic parents to end up as 'people pleasers', so please be gentle with yourself

I got some really good resources for healing from these relationships if you're interested/want help, i can ping you on discord later

and thank you for standing up for Hilary

re: questioning if things would have gone differently if you had done this sooner-- I think with your genuinely generous and kind heart it would have hurt to enforce this boundary no matter when you did it. the important thing is that you're doing it now.

I’m late to this whole thing but goddamn. You’ve been beyond gracious to your mother, and she’s repaid you poorly for it. This end result is entirely her reaping what she’s sown.

But I’m sorry that you both have to deal with this