fuuuuuuuuuuuuck this feeling

am I anxious! yes. there's a buzzing in the back of my head and it keeps going "oooh everything isn't going right which means something is going to be wrong ~"

and I can't get rid of it.

it's just SITTING THERE.

Brain please. I am aware of The Things. you do not need to keep the heat on Simmer

just turn off

urge to hit self in head with squeaky mallet at all time high

or get absolutely blitzed on substances

but I have job... :/

the very worst part is that I'M NOT

ugh

I can manage this. is the worst part. I'm okay. sure that tension is almost painful and sure I feel like I'm going to EXPLODE

but I'm functional

I can go to work and do my job and feed myself and I wish I couldn't so I wouldn't have to do those things. I could just collapse into a fucking puddle and wait for all of this to stop cause it always does

but I can, so I must, or I'll be shooting myself in the foot

I'm not at 11, I'm at 6 and I wish that mattered

I should delete this thread but it doesn't really matter.

look sometimes you need to scream externally

it is true

ÀAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA