Blows the longest raspberry ever

So like six weeks ago I started a new potential antidepressant called Trintellix, and for a while it was okay. Seemed like it got rid of my anxiety, but also like maybe it was counter balancing my adhd meds, but it was pretty subtle so I wasn't sure if it was just

Like a low vitamin d seasonal thing and I didn't feel much else, so my mhnp increased the dose two weeks ago or so

And yeah I've been sleeping a ton. Talked to therapist today, she says I have a pretty hefty case of anhedonia

And that she's had several patients report similar things. That trintellix was great for their anxiety but made their depression slightly worse

So apologies for being somewhat slow and detached, seems like it's another med in the garbage, another round of titrating off of it and onto something new

Weeks and weeks of more experimenting

I'm just tired man

big oof, sorry it didn't work out for you

I was definitely more consistent and motivated to write before the trintellix, looking back in hindsight I think

onlilypads: thanks man, appreciate

It's such a tricky thing finding the right balance of meds, it took me years. I hope you find your holy grail soon.

Therapist recommended I mention something called 'viibryd' to my mhnp because apparently it has worked better for her failed trintellix patients before, and mhnp had mentioned trying pristiq as well, she just wanted to do trintellix because pristiq is 'activating' and it would mean I'm taking 3 activating meds, she was worried about agitation or anger

But I have moderate to severe recurrent major depressive disorder so maybe 3 whole ass activating meds is what I need

Anyway if anyone is primarily an anxiety person, highly recommend trintellix, I really want to like it but

Unfortunately depression is my primary issue

And my lack of interest / joy / motivation / ability to concentrate on anything I should enjoy concentrating on is not sustainable given my hobbies and primary income source

I also wanted to like it just bc I'm tired of the med hopping journey tbh

I wondered if maybe it wasn't just an adhd med tolerance losing efficacy thing but I've taken a full 3 days off of it on two separate occasions in the last month and I still don't feel it significantly the way I normally would after a break

I shouldn't be this tired while on 50mg of full blown stimulants lmao

I will just continue to leave you rando things like a stray cat bringing gifts

Thank you

it sounds so exhausting buddy, you're strong for still being so on top of it and troubleshooting with your literal body chemistry

I deeply enjoy these stray cat gifts

kaitniss: it's so tiring man

But the thing is, I'm so tired of being tired I'm almost fueled by spite to keep going until I'm not tired anymore lmao

amazing, the only answer

push that boulder with spite

Lmaooo

At this point I've covered
-lexapro
-lamictal
-prozac
-now trintellix
+wellbutrin that I'm still on but isn't enough
+vyvanse

I've heard of people knocking out an even longer list than this but

Damn bro

ah bud, I'm sorry it didn't end up working out for you

Why my brain no work

the med journey is a hard one

a mighty list

I am cradling your brain ever so gently in my hands and telling it to shape the fuck up Or Else

Deeply appreciate

Appreesh the therapist for soundboarding me to make me stop gaslighting myself about it not working just bc I really wanted it to work

Shoutout to her

Also shoutout to her for lowkey shading Trump after I started mentioning the shitty state of politics, she's a real one, glad we're on the same side of that one even while she was very admirably professionally restrained about it lol

ahh sorry you're back on the spaghetti slide but i hope something shakes out soon

Thanks fam, fingers crossed

The good news is that between the wellbutrin and
vyvanse, my mental basement level is rarely ever as low as it once was pre-medication so that's. A silver lining I guess. I'm never, like, The Fucking Worst anymore so

In that regard, progress has been made and that's probably worth remembering

yes that's an upside!

it's good to keep those in mind

I barely remember my mentality before meds because I don't want to think about it tbh it was Not Good

Yeah man

Same

oof this is a whole mood, I can't even do stimulants for my adhd so it's basically just all anhedonia all the time tbh

My guy that is fucking rough

I know that feeling and I could not go back to it

Stimulants are the only thing that get like even a small window of active productive brain power from me

same, I was dying before stimulants came into my life

Handshake meme

I hope you find smth that works soon tho...

I’m on hormones and fr don’t love remembering what I was like before meds lmaoo

Thanks friend, I hope so too

I'd really like to just be operating on Average Functional Person levels

I feel fucking weird about suggesting this because: A. I really don't know much about it, and 2. You didn't ask for advice. But my brother, like, begged his doctors to do some kind of panel that's meant to somehow show psychiatric medication efficacy in some way? I think it's called GeneSight?

I feel like I've heard of this

Literally no idea if it's viable or even if it's legit because they refused to do it for him but I have experienced that runaround myself with psych meds and it's fucking exhausting.

I think I've heard that it isn't always covered and can be expensive, but I could be wrong

Might be worth looking into anyway just to check

That's probably hella true, because... gestures to healthcare

Y e a h

Anyway yeah they wouldn't do it for him but they did start asking him for a list of MY psychiatric medications and any reactions I'd had to them rofllll

Lmao that's

Hmm

yeah genesight is AMAZING if you can get it. i was lucky enough to get it while on state health insurance back in kentucky and the recommendations were spot on. (Ofc, the insurance didn't want to pay for that med but once I got it, literally life changing)

i was on vyvance for several months last year and it was also lifechanging in terms of focus and energy except then I stopped being able to sleep for 1-2 days at a time so.........had to drop that. i'm still sad about it

Yeah I get the insomnia periodically and tbh when it happens I'm just like 'still totally worth it', don't sleep for two days and then crash for 20 hours straight but I realize that it's not... Feasible for most people lol

yeah it was starting to get to 3 days and I was just like..........i love everything but I can't not sleep, this is not working

I would honestly trade this constant sleeping I'm doing on trintellix for the insomnia though

At least when I can't sleep I tend to do a few productive things

yeah i hate feeling like i can't do anything because i just sleep forever......sad high-five lmao

The sleepiest high five

I have this irrational fear of doing genesight and it coming back that my best meds were the ones I've already tried and it being like 'Wellp turns out actually you're the problem, not the medication'

If that makes any sense lmao

no i can get that IT'S A LOT OF INTERNALIZED SHIT WE HAVE TO DEAL WITH

'turns out the Prozac was great you just suck mega ass'

Finding the right psych meds is a fucking nightmare, I feel you

It do be suckin

a lil status update just for anyone who is interested and bc i think normalizing brain med discussions is good as a whole & i've had a few folks approach me privately to talk about it as an option for themselves as a result of these plurks which i think is great

so

i just got back from seeing my mhnp

she reduced the trintellix dose back down to 10 and actually doubled my wellbutrin dose bc she wants to see if that offsets the lethargy and anhedonia, since trintellix did do good stuff for my anxiety

and if it's not better in 2 weeks i'll taper down to 5 and then eventually off of it entirely to try something new but

since i'm tapering anyway i think it's fine to experiment w this, especially since like

the wellbutrin's going to 300, but when i lived in tucson i was actually on 450 a day, 300 in the morning 150 in the afternoon (granted this is an unusually high daily amount but i'm treatment resistant Big Depresso), so i'm not worried about that at all

historically speaking my brain plays fine with wellbutrin at high doses

anyway that alone should give me some perky uppy but i guess we'll see how things feel in 2 weeks

hoping for good things

thanks friend, same hat

I'm sorry things are a struggle right now, hoping that you find a combo that works for you asap. thanks for being so open with these discussions and willing to share your experiences!

rooting for you, homie. hang in there.

ayyy thanks man

things are honestly not the worst, like. they've definitely been worse, July was way more awful by comparison

so I can't even complain too hard, it's mostly fine, just the perpetually annoying struggle of troubleshooting bad brain chemistry

Fingers crossed the switchup helps

Thanks fam, I hope so. If the wellbutrin does actually offset the lethargy and anhedonia I think I'll be in a really solid place, because like

It's hard to describe, but my mood overall is pretty good? I feel calm and largely chill in a way that isn't just zombie beige flat like it was with lexapro or Prozac. I just be vibing and not stressing mostly.

It's just the lack of interest / enthusiasm / energy for attention span that isn't sustainable so if that goes away I'll be more gucci than I've been in years but

I would rather have anxiety but retain creativity / the ability to enjoy or be passionate about things / maintain a working attention span, if I had to choose between that or the alternative

I feel like I haven't been over-analyzing or mentally criticizing myself for every single thing I say or do nearly as much as usual but for me that's still not worth the inability to enjoy shit or be productive

I need to be able to a- write, and b- enjoy writing, that's kind of the bottom line non-negotiable to me for this whole thing

Anyway blah blah tldr brains weird, mine wack, everybody see a psych if you need one we're all in this together something something high school musical

nah absolutely, perfect stability at the cost of equivalent numbness isn't a trade worth making

Oh good luck!! I hope this combo is the winner.

Thanks friend!