aka i have wrung every goddamn sidequest out of this game that it will give me before it starts screaming "GO TO WEISSHAUPT"

omg i went to go sell stuff and the lords of fortune are seriously 30 power away from rank 3 shop im gonna die

oh ARCHDEMONS are also elves fault now. sure

darn i thought i'd have to bring davrin for this. taash is literally like 0.5 points away from leveling up LMAO

oh i see they're just gonna eat the eluvian lmao

OH OKAY GIANT FACE IN THE SKY

man im pretty sure the first warden is just corrupted or working with the gods. if he really is that fucking stupid im just disappointed

"HOW'S LUCANIS GONNA KILL A CLOUD WITH A DAGGER?" thanks bellara KJDHFA

oh man at the start of this game i was all talking but my rook is. a little too feral now i think. time to punch this guy in the head

i love that emmerich and bellara are the only ones who don't like that i slugged that bastard

aw man i think i missed a fucking memento somewhere along the line bc i have fangs from archdemons 2-5

iirc when the Black Emporium unlocks it specifically has things in it from areas you missed that you can't return to. So. Maybe not forever, though you may have to pay out the nose for them....

well that's good bc yeah i'd be mad if i could never get it again

i can always grind for gold and treasure

Yeah, I was like "Wow he's got a lot of [culture thing] specifically... Ah... right... I didn't explore that area much because I thought I'd be able to come back to it after the quest...." (I was not)

sdlkjhfg;sjd god im so sorry LMAO

i wrung this thing out as much as i could so hopefully i haven't missed Much

i mean im at weisshaupt and up to.... about half the mementos so

I HAD GOTTEN LAX... I was so used to "introduction to area story quest where you follow someone around, but you get to return to it and fully explore it later once that one is done!"

So I expected.... that would be this area too...... and it was not.

rip im so sorry md,jfkhgsd which area was it??

plurk paste for casual spoilers idk???

WELL THATS GOOD TO FUCKING KNOW

YEAH. I MEAN. YOU GET A SECOND CHANCE TO GET THE STUFF BUT...

oof they pricy

OH SHIT NO HERE'S THE FANG OF THE FIRST YESSS it was in the library

also davrin ur not gonna have to die killing an archdemon. it's fine. my girl was okay,,,

(nah lbr they're gonna kill evka or some shit)

"And now... I die." yeah rook honestly? i get you

oh thank god not all the wardens are dead-- OH MY GOD THE FUCKING FIRST BITCH ASS MOTHER FUCKER

oh alright fine dude you wanna die for this? be my fuuuuucking guest

LMAOOO HI GHILAN'NAIN

great. great. how did i not see this coming. amazing

god three rounds three FUCKING rounds with the archdemon

SHIT LUCANIS YOU FUCKING MISSED

LUCANIS. LUCANIS!!! I TOLD YOU SPECIFICALLY NOT TO MISS

oh my god davrin no FIGHTING!!!! BOYS!!!

lmao emmrich looking into the camera and doing (bioware voice) DO YOUR COMPANION QUESTS BEFORE THE SUICIDE MISSION

alright i had to stop so vanessa could come back into the living room but like. christ. god

comes back in here now that im doing all the follow-up conversations, bellara talking to me about feeling guilty for being an elf in these times and im just (CRIES)

ugh im so torn between her and taash. she's SO cute. im dying

man i feel like lucanis is being too nice just. all the time. he's a very nice boy but i feel like he should get Angrier

yknow what i think it is, they let Davrin (the black man) get angry but not Lucanis (the white man) who is always poised and shit and that's. hm. uncomfortable

oooooughgughg davrin. "because i didn't expect to be here" OUCH--

man needs to learn to live for his child ;O;

if i was bisexual and not so head over heels for every girl in this game Davrin would be my Boy Pick for sure LMAO

like at this point aside from taash and bellara vying for the top spot, under that is neve, then... actually i think davrin is above harding bc of what they did to her this game, but then harding, then probably emmerich and the lucanis LMAO

lucanis is just so deeply my 2edgy 5u rogue brother but this is what happens with me and every double dagger rogue bc that's all I play

I forget, which city did you save again?

minrathous

OH MY GOD TAASH PRESSING ME AGAINST THE ELUVIAN AND JUST IM FUCKIGINGNGNIGNI

"QUICK THINK ABOUT US HAVING SEX" GIRL YOU CANNOT DO THIS TO ME

SHE CAN SMELL WHEN SOMEONE IS AROUSED?

god no i can't. im sorry bellara im a fucking disaster lesbian mess fuck me running i can't live like this

HARDING GOD DAMNIT

HUH that's weird because a friend of mine also saved Minrathos and uhhhh Lucanis was VERY mad in her playthrough.

NAH HE SEEMS LIKE. SO NICE TO ME STILL HAJKLGSHDA

ig because i do all the sidequests so when he was gone in treviso i was still like. there. doing everything the crows asked me to and then some

decided at lv 35 i could go kill that undead dragon. fuckin DID IT

taash: u wanna start dating
me: yes. let's go kill a dragon

GOD I LOVE HER

oh shit the ??? guy is here again

GOD THE FUCKING. TAASH KABEDON SCENE

i made the most embarrassing choked gurgling sound out loud when i got that

bc i was NOT expecting that

and bc i'm playing an elf i made pretty short so my rook was looking WAY up at them sdflkgh

GOD YEAH NO I DID TOO IM. HSDFLKGSD

IM ALSO TOO FUCKING SHORT SO SHE HAD TO BEND OVER WELL ENOUGH AND JUST KJDFHGFSDL;

that's how it looked for me and like. OKAY BIOWARE THANK YOU FOR MY FUCKING LIFE THIS FOOD IS DELICIOUS

DUDE. ME FUCKING TOO. SCREAMS

i wish i'd thought to take a screenshot i just panicked

I DIDN'T AT FIRST but i went back an autosave so i could get a screenshot sdlfkgh

i was panicking so bad i nearly missed some of the dialogue so i had to go back anyway sdfljk

HHAHJKLFASD

i should have done that i just. screamed

it's so funny bc i was like. about to turn in to sleep for the night and i'd just finished the last big story quest so i was going around just talking to everyone to clear out the dialogue stuff

AND THEN THAT SCENE JUMPED OUT AT ME and i wound up staying up another like hour bc i was screaming sdfljk

HAHJSKLFASD god that's. too real

hurgles oh bellara's next companion quest... ouch

sorry ur brother is alive, crazy, and we'll probably have to stab him

also why is it all the veil jumpers suck and die. literally every quest is "some veil jumpers are in the forest can you help??" and then they're dead or demons or MORE

This is an issue I have with DA for the whole series tbh. If you want me to think a group is cool, you have to show them being cool. Not just tell me and then give me a bunch of quests to save their asses.

literally the grey wardens are ending up like that too lmao

me running around the wetlands finding a bunch of dumb ass mother fuckers getting eaten by blight

yeah :/

I do think in the case of the Wardens some of them are brand new, like post Adamant in Inquisition, so they've only actually dealt with blight or darkspawn directly in very small doses.

YEAH, and not the uhhh, this fucking nightmare

ah shit i didn't realize this quest was my lock-in with taash

well ig im romancing her because im a big lesbian and predictable as shit. sorry bellara. maybe next time

also i know taash is nonbinary but they/them lesbians exist and bioware can FIGHT MY WHOLE ASS

taash going from making out with me in a dragons lair to being like "oh yeah. we're gonna die. BYE" and just LEAVINGGKLSHDFJ

look the wardens in DAV are like the people a store will hire three days before black friday. NO WAY THEY CAN POSSIBLY BE PREPARED FOR ANYTHING GOING ON HERE

y e u p

YEAH..... like god help them they're trying. god HELP them

lbr they fared better than the wardens at ostagar

at least some of them here SURVIVED

see I feel like that's why i'm so judgemental, i was ALSO baby city at ostagaar and I MADE IT--

(don't ask about flemeth. its fine. it's fine)

also once again i'm out of sidequests to do so time to go do plot (whatever the cauldron is)

ah. okay. so last flight IS canon isn't it. let's fucking see KJHSGS

"this can't be it's griffin bones" well buddy here's the thing: some of us do know what happened to the last griffons. anyway--

that's been like the one thing with this game is like. theoretically i know the answers to everything they're giving me. the problem is, i don't know what they considered the answers

so im out here playing lore whack-a-mole

oh thank god im finally getting the black emporium

as i upgrade the workshop to. fucking. rank 9 lmaooo

god i finally got the black emporium and i was like "why is this so full already have i really missed that much"

no it's because of the fuckin. shopkeep you lose LMAO

lol ig i also lost a bunch in kal-sharok. amazing

sldkfgh GOD SAME

"i'll just get the stuff i missed later when i can come back"

"........... WELP"

I THINK I JUST DIDN'T HAVE MONEY AT THE TIME

or like i was FUCKIN TRYING

FUCKIN KAL-SHAROK

didnt even realize that was kal-sharok. brain just went 'oh heehee that's the deep roads' and just tossed it off a bridge

man i hate hate hate how much this game does not ever say "this is something you will come back to later" vs "this is something you'll see once and if you don't get it now you're fucked"

literally i've spent 15 minutes running around this stupid place trying to find the key to a door only to figure out im ACTUALLY GONNA COME BACK HERE so i need to be patient and it's like

well sorry ive been fucked over so many times for not coming back to places!!!

its also just frankly deeply annoying game design bc it feels like they made a big open world game and then tried to put rails on it in the stupidest possible way

like i want to like this game, i'm charmed by it's characters, but this isn't even like mass effect andromeda where i'd just spend hours running around kicking shit. this game doesn't have that pull

but as usual the companion dialogue is fun and well-written, as i charge through an old mansion and spite tells lucanis to eat candles like the world's worst intrusive thoughts

btw the sound effect (the lantern screams) is really really good

spite and lucanis really are just the epitome of the Two Bagels vine

they are EXACTLY that

alright well finally doing the bloodbath quest with lucanis and

illario can you stop being SO obvious

like. come on now. why the fuck were you there motherfucker. you're SO.

look. he's a messy bitch who loves drama

I KNOW HE'S DOING SHADY SHIT LIKE

BRUH

alright vanessa's in the shower so i can do more dragon age LMAO

i have literally. no more sidequests to do so ig it's time for plot

aka fire and ice which ive heard is a big one!!

oh. great. two fucking dragons

HI GHILIN'NAIN

ok i was doing pretty well but it's VERY nice to have the minrathous help KJGDHAS

oh is she gonna get them the fuck back up again. for god's sake.

oh fuck yes ballista through the ASS

aw cunts its fucking elgar'nan.

did spite literally just ask this bard in minrathous if he'd play stairway to heaven.

yknow what. fuck it. im level 43. i just took down two dragons and now a third with taash. im gonna go try that blighted bastard in the crossroads

YOU GOT THIS

(iirc it's weak vs fire but resistant to cold)

hell yeah dargons

oh i beat it's fool ass

i brought my top team just in case (taash and bellara) but mythal made it Much easier

CROSSROADS 100% DISCOVERED YAAAAAAAAH

hehehehe elgar'nan sounds very mad. heehee. hoohoo

well now im just running around the crossroads shaking it down for spare etheric remnants bc i need soooo many more

lmao finally got back to the lighthouse and. love channeling zara. love. doing that and figuring out illario is, AS SUSPECTED, A SHIT HEAD

GOD

walking in on "oh okay a dead body" was so

for all the writing problems this game has in terms of its bigger plot, godDAMN is it fucking hilarious

okay listen getting the missive that was

"should something go wrong, i will end it, you have my word" was like

i'm sorry the fuck are you doing? sir?

are you letting emmerich poke spite with a spirit stick--

YEAH. WHEN ILLARIO SHOWS UP RIGHT BEFORE HE GANKS ZARA SHE CALLS OUT TO HIM AND CALLS HIM FUCKING "AMATUS.

I was like "Oh my fucking god."

OKAY THANK YOU BC I WAS LIKE. HELLO? HELLO???

this is my issue with dragon age like im playing lore whack-a-mole again

but like why include it if it didn't mean that

YEAH. I THE PLAYER CAUGHT THAT AND WAS PLAYING A SHADOW DRAGON ROOK

so even though they were absolutely the "maybe there's a reasonable explanation" FOR EVERYONE ABOUT EVERHTHING that was when they went "so. are you prepared for what you might find out."

YEAH HAJKLG;LKSD like im playing a veil jumper elf she doesnt know shit

BUT ME? I KNOW SHIT--

oofa doofa that scene with taash and her mom in the dining room LMAOOOO

i think the funniest part is lucanis was still in the fucking? pantry?? listening to taash's mom tell me i'm not good enough LMAOOO

lmao and now they're confirming my theory that the gloom howler IS isseya from that book

YEAH

As soon as Gloom Howler first showed up I was like "Oh no. Oh no. Isseya????? Baby oh no" and then every little bit more they learned about her was just me going "aaaAAAAAAAA"

YEAH LIKE... MMMMM OH NO,

also wow harding's "heart of the titan" quest hits different when ur a fucking elf lmaooo

even her possessed self looking right at rook and yelling "YOU DID THIS"

OHHHH I CAN'T WAIT (doing my elf playthru now)

because the elves are not their gods but they still are, almost, but rook carries that weight, and OOF

it's bc i encouraged harding to be a bitch HAHJFLKS

i did too and i loved it

oh shit i guess that was the final in her questline??? damn

how is she the first one i've finished

hers just triggers first tbh cause it triggered at the same time for both of my playthroughs

^^^ yeah, hers was the one i finished first despite me not really taking her anywhere

they each have a 'wrap up' quest sometime after but yeah harding's happens really early compared to the rest

okay that makes more sense LMAO

ive been doing everyone's everything so they're all pretty even at rank 7 or 8 (except lucanis bc fucking hardened makes his SO HARD but he's just under 7)

Yeah I told her compassion last time (as a human rogue) so for my elven mage I'm looking forward to "GIRL GET ANGRY"

yeah no i remember harding in inq being much more of a bitch so i was like. go off queen

ig it makes sense hers goes first because she's the only one without a faction you can influence in this game

maxed out my lords of fortune influence tho

AND just bumped the grey wardens over to 3 stars

it feels weird to think maybe i'm getting like. most of the way thru this game? but i guess i am fucking 80 hours in, so

getting a little more playtime in this game finally and lmao helping lucanis break into his family home

lucanis coming to my rook bc i picked minrathous like "are you sure helping me won't be a bother"

my rook like "dude i think the first thing i said, to your face, when we saw your house the first time we were in treviso was "i kind of want to rob you"

i also do love lucanis sounding exactly like nandor with "fucking illario"

oh that's not the end of his questline though??? HMMM ok

davrin no we're having mushroom tea?? oh no

"assan talked to me!" babygirl i think you're fucking hallucinating

alright that's all i have time for rn but next up is bellara's hummingbird's lament which i'm. so worried about

and then i have to go fight some venatori in the pit (crater)

alright well did that, which was. sad but yeah, cyrian's a mess and we're gonna have to stab him

but now re: stabbing venatori in the pit, really curious how this goes if your rook is a mage/not an elf, because bellara and neve sure did have to save my whole ass

have to reload a slightly older save tho bc i missed a chest, booo

why are some of these mfers wondering what i smell like......

They save you regardless!

You ~can’t break the enchantment~ so they acknowledge you try

AH okay

bellara was having trouble on her own so neve stepped in for me bc my ass was not getting saved

anyway, me, in the back sanctum halls, yelling out loud "SUCK MY COCK UP AND DOWN THE BLOCK EL'GERNAN"

or however you do the stupid apostraphes in his name. i don't care. this isn't a hate crime if you're also an elf

ughhhh alright we had to call in a favor from solas, i GUESS

i should've been able to flip elgarnan the fuckin bird just then

elgar'nan, there we go, whatever. fucker

oh solas doesn't hate the dalish anymore? he's trying to be slightly less of a cunt? because i remember your HEAD ASS COMMENTS in inquisition, boy

OH HE RESPECTS ME NOW? WOW. HE FINALLY RESPECTS ROOK. BUT NOT MY FUCKIN INQUISITOR

god im mad on mirhel's behalf KQHJDG;SFD

"she was useful, but there were others i grew fond of" GO FUCKING SUCK A THOUSAND COCKS

oh okay cole, josephine, and cassandra were better than me, okay, got it, god i'm going to sdshkfldhgahsdf

my inquisitor is going to fucking SCRAMBLE you

i didn't think it was possible to hate solas more after inquisition

then i played veilguard

he just keeps getting worse and it's like. IT'S WEIRD THAT THEY'RE SO SET ON WANTING YOU TO FEEL BAD FOR HIM BUT NO

I JUST WANT TO STOMP HIS STUPID FACE IN

LITERALLY HE'S SUCH A FUCKING ASSHOLE like

i did not like him by the end of inq. i didn't love him IN inq but trespasser made me want to break his stupid nose

NOW. NOW I WANT TO HAVE MY INQUISITOR DESTROY HIM

oh god every single companion except lucanis has a quest for me now jesus

oh okay volgoth just APPEARED in here while i was talking to emmerich jfc sldkfhgsd

well on the upside all my factions just hit 3 stars, yay

jfc i disappeared from the lighthouse for two seconds and NOW harding has a quest for me i stg

WHEN HE'S LISTING PEOPLE

Me, the single blackwall fan in the world, remembering how fucking chummy you were with him:

AREN'T YOU FORGETTING SOMEONE

OR ARE YOU TOO UPSET THAT HE LIED TO YOU ABOUT HIS AWFUL PAST

THAT HE LIED TO YOU ABOUT HIS AWFUL PAST

OF COURSE HE IS!!!!!

APPARENTLY THE INQUISITOR ONLY MATTERS IF HE GOT SOME PUSSY, SO

god that still makes me so angry

that it's clear the inquisitor is only really in the game if you were a solavellan player

honestlyyyyyy like as someone else who even played a girl elf: they just don't give a shit if you weren't sucking dick