by which I mean both that it was extremely good and that it set my brain on fire

absolute ruination

every week I understand "loneliness is one of the themes of gavv" more and more painfully

my sweet baby shoma you are going to go through it huh

the Heated Drama Between Men scene was so much worse (read: better) and more painful than I expected while also not being about the thing I expected at all

also Sachika is a goddamn queen

and I'm beginning to think she suspects more than she's letting on

she trusts Shoma surprisingly quickly with taking over her reverse catfish plan, and she sure seems to be giving him a lot of suspiciously knowing smiles

I will not be surprised if in a few episodes it turns out she's put together some pieces behind the scenes and figured out he's Kamen Rider, or at least suspects him of it, and just decided to respect his privacy about it

anyway a few more rapidfire takeaways:

- god that scene tho. the LONELINESS. the sheer isolation of being Shoma. him tugging his shirt down a little further over his gavv was just. cinematically precision crafted for maximum pain.

and it's SO UNDERSTANDABLE. every single step of that scene made it so fucking understandable that he can't bring himself to tell Hanto the full truth, even though they both just opened up to each other about their deep traumas and became closer as friends and comrades than ever before.

pain.

- no seriously Sachika is a queen. that reverse catfish plan was clever and a LOT OF WORK and she had it in an actionable state by the NEXT MORNING.

- they really are not even trying to pretend that the dark treats are anything but Drugs

- I can't fucking believe Valen just made a chocolate fondue fountain, on the fly, to upgrade Gavv's chipswords, and it worked

what the fuck hanto. why did you think of that so fast.

- the twins are Doing Me A Concern

- glotta

- hey lango what do you mean "his newfound strength is strictly in the physical realm, not mental"? are you just saying he's not very smart (which, rude) or is there something else you're alluding to? lango? hey lango turn on your location i just want to talk

- also what the fuck do you mean he's evolved "far more than expected"? lango?? TURN ON YOUR LOCATION I JUST WANT TO T

- honestly really appreciate that Shoma crossdressing as a disguise was not played for even a drop of humor.

- Hanto and Shoma being friends at the end... being on first-name basis... even playing a little... it's so lighthearted and sweet and I love it and also it HURTS because of the underlying bitterness that Shoma is now willfully deceiving him

and again I completely understand WHY. I can't condemn Shoma for that even a little bit. how COULD he tell Hanto that he's the youngest son of the family that's behind the entire human harvesting operation? Hanto, who hates Granutes so much he got angry with Shoma for saving his life instead of prioritizing killing the Granute?

Shoma already can't bring himself to protest when someone calls him a monster!

but the fact that he's continuing to keep quiet about it instead of correcting Hanto's misunderstanding is just going to make things so so so soooo much WORSE when Hanto finds out and aaaaaaaaa

pain!!!!

- OH RIGHT I ALMOST FORGOT. what the fuck was with that little brain flash when Shoma looked at Hanto's photo???? what was that about??????

and is it related to whatever the fuck happened when Sachika saw Lango???

- Hanto's surgery scar is on his abdomen, straight up the middle! great news for fanartists and the idea of Hanto eventually mutating his own Granute stomach mouth

- hanto you fuckin nerdlord

okay no seriously I am not going to be normal about this

what a wonderful moment, and so sweetly poisoned

shoma is. SO LONELY.

a good writer is someone who can tell you exactly how they're going to hurt you, and still make it hurt.

he loves humans SO MUCH and he's so attached to these ones in particular and it feels so, so good to be valued and trusted by them. like especially Hanto. not even for gay reasons, just like - Sachika is so free with her love and support, but Hanto is a prickly fuckin chestnut, and also the one person in the world who's even KIND OF like Shoma

so Hanto trusting him like this and seeing him as a friend, has gotta fuckin Hit Different

man this just makes inflicting blade on you simultaneous to all this even more intensifying in both series' direction i'm so glad

the morally Right thing to do would be to come clean. Shoma knows this. and he just can't.

because gavv fuckin Gets It, so good

how can he give up this wonderful feeling of being loved and trusted?

dorohedoro: I'M DYING, TARA

gavv is ultimately about loneliness, but also

"the rider's powers are from evil. their powers are evil. but even something of evil origin can be used as a force for good, when it's necessary to fight. but it does not change the grief of kamen rider, who knows the true cost of their power."

gavv is about hunger.

and what is loneliness if not hunger. an emptiness that must be filled.

food, eating, satiating one's desires by whatever means they can.

gaining companionship and love through lies.
gaining another hit of the addiction through murder.

GOD

the addiction parallel definitely did occur to me as I was typing that earlier

this show is so fucking good

I love Shoma so much. god. I think this episode made me finally understand the core of his character properly and I care him so much my heart hurts

I needed to see this selfishness in him to really, fully, properly appreciate him

i have money on sachika being like "lol hanty should've been normal about this i've been keeping track of you both on #kamenrider"

come on now Sachika you know Hanty can't be normal about anything--

but yeah honestly I really will not be shocked if it turns out she's known or at least had a pretty good guess since the fish guy

both kamen riders showed up to fight him, during which time both Hanto and Shoma were missing, and then as soon as the riders were gone Hanto and Shoma both showed up again with very weak excuses

she can do the fuckin math here guys