glad it's not a month or two later or it'd probably be in the negatives outside

but at least the dusting of snow I woke up to is already gone

would you like mine!? it's still snowing here...

it's kind of wild this is the first we've had snow this year. I've been up here 7ish years and this is the first year there wasn't snow before Halloween

thewrittenfae: lol nah you can keep it 😋

I need a few more days without real snow yet to move shit around in the garage so we can get both vehicles in and I can finally park in the driveway again lol

it figures that the day before stepfather went to the hospital for the last time he put the riding mower in the garage. haven't been able to get it to start yet despite my assorted efforts, so now it's looking like I'll have to clear space to push it (rip my back) out of the way 😖

oh no your poor back

oh no, I'm so sorry about your back and the trouble for that machine!

I was hoping the snow would hold off until my sis visited again so she could help me work some magic, since my mom gave her the other mower that's the same model just a little older. but alas.

there's just no way I could somehow push it around the house to the shed in the backyard. the wagon I can pull around relatively fine but yeah, not stupid enough to try and push the mower that far

hopefully moving it maybe 10 feet at most will be much more managable

my mom was all "we can" and I gave her a look. her back and leg pain is getting worse, and we don't know just how loose the screws in her back are - there's no way I'm letting her try to help push anything around

me in my interview today: I feel like it's a good time for me to take a step, there should be fewer potential distractions or interruptions

this evening: mother clearly in pain, talking about how she can barely lift anything anymore without her back flaring
😖

not that it matters as much since I'm kinda debating now if I really want the position after hearing more about what would be expected and what I'd be dealing with

but at least tomorrow is Friday. and next week is a short week

I was hoping I would have some brilliant bit of wisdom tonight but not so much

still feel conflicted

maybe sleeping on it really will be the answer

I just. idk. idk

the mountain of potential new stress is scary, doubly so when I'm still getting over the past 18ish months and looking ahead at for sure stressful time to come, just unknown exactly when

more money would help me breathe in one way but what it comes with would make it harder in others

ugh

I wish I felt like I could discuss this with my mother but I can just see her making it about her. or making it an issue if I don't get it or turn it down

I... think I hope they pick someone else. so then it's not a choice I have to make
and then, having taken this step and attempt once it will be easier to do the next time
when I'm not still existing on the edge of overwhelmed and having something bring me to tears practically every other day

and if I get a hefty plate of responsibilities I'm going to feel like I have to tend to things and make it work somehow and that I just have to deal with it regardless of anything else

fuck I'm so over adulthood

good note to go to bed on rofl sigh

not like I've slept good all week so what's one more restless night

namang: