My dissociative disorder and I are besties I am just not going to experience the gravity of this event it is going to bounce off my skull

It is making it difficult to care about anything, including getting ready for work

Just loud static in the brain

I’m surprised my mom hasn’t texted me

do you want me to call?

Maybe

I have got to get up. I have been hitting snooze for an hour I have to get UP

Looking at tags just produces a dial tone in my brain there is nothing happening up here

I want to distract myself with rp but there’s just nothing

awww

Oh. I texted my mom and she like. Carefully didn’t misgender me and I am almost crying about that

I keep checking my email like something is going to appear there somehow. It’s just a nervous tic at this point

I could read the half dozen chapters of Lomonaaeren’s new whatever the hell this thing is I guess

I’ll be fine. I’m always fine
Vs
I am visibly Jewish in public am I gonna get hate crimed
Vs
No one is going to hate crime me in my own store and I don’t go anywhere else

My brain says the only music I should listen to is the playlist labeled “angsty sixteen”

Was listening on my lunch break and now I’m absently singing Evanescence’s Tourniquet lol

I feel vaguely guilty about how fine I am

my brain is like 'you know what you should do? just go to bed right now at 7:30pm. consciousness is a scam.'

which. does probably mean that I'm stressed/anxious somewhere that I'm not feeling it, because unconsciousness is one of my brain's favorite coping mechanisms for stress/anxiety

goddamnit brain I want to play veilguard

I don’t think I actually experienced an emotion at all today. I have been “generically pleasant” at all times

The only things that came close to breaking me were my mother carefully not misgendering me and Matt being sweet, and neither of those were negative break though of course having any emotions opens the door to all of them so those are unfortunately also disallowed