B thinks John's a good 8. soft smile, nice choice for his hair, good shoulders. rather his type, if we're being honest. Jamie's a 6, got a bit of pretty going on but definitely does not smile enough

Hanna gives John, Saga and Vinny a 10/10. all his friends are hot, why?? though John and Saga more in that 'this is my friends hot mom/dad' kind of way.

Abel giving John higher than a ten. he's a god, right? probably deserves it.

Saga's a 7. he loves him some tough women.

John's a 10 and no Tendi is not going to examine that.

Florian's probably more like a 6-7? She can appreciate how pretty he is but he's not really her type.

Old times, but Sariss found Makima the world's most surprising 10 of all time

c_for_characters: Makima would return this score. : )

Venat is like... a 7? not objectively bad-looking but also Lahabrea is not in place to be looking past that

Corvo -> Jamie: Perfect score. Whatever the highest is, double it. Have you see those eyes?!?!?!?!?

Justine -> John: Dude - 8. Lady - 8.5. Tentacled - 10.

as a note, John is not giving anyone a score below 10. ...he thinks you're all beautiful and WILL tell you about it if you give him half a chance. Even if you're an asshole, he can aesthetically enjoy the art pieces you are to look at.

John just looking at his collection like "and this one is my favorite for this reason, and this other one is my favorite for this reason."

EXACTLY

you're all absolutely stunning, let him tell you all about it in intense detail, you should see yourself how he sees you

cacopheny: awww B. And yeah, Jamie's rocking RBF most of the time. This is fair!

And Saga gives a thumbs up right back. B's a solid 7 right back.

omnomivore: don't worry, Tendi, you don't have to examine it.! and Florian knows he's not everyone's cup of tea. He's good at what his aim is and that's enough

Florian before he knew him - like a 7, pretty probably good for a tumble, would expect he'd freak out about a demon in his bed tho
Florian after knowing him - Easy 10, especially when the dark streak is in full play and like an 11 with the vampire stuff now

BBitsaboi: Abel sir make your move. I promise it's not scary. <3

Twominsnotice: Blitzø is a solid 10 for him. He loves his cat-like-ness and his tail and his big bright eyes and they are absolutely going to be ridiculous once they have a private room again I think.

now that he has the confidence of coming onto Bashir and it being entirely positive, he probably will. he just needed it to not be scary.

Jacob gives Saga a -10. and steals her barbies.

Sheehan gives Saga a 10 and a thumbs up from afar! Get it, girl.

Justine gives her a 10 but needs her to get Out There.

Corvo gives her a 9.

Look that vampire durability means that they can REALLY have some fun in the future

Twominsnotice: Exactly.

they are 100% going to break something

furniture, each other (in the best way possible)

maybe a bone

the peace and quiet on that entire deck...

Tendi's got a big ol' platonic crush on John, tbh, though whether it'll ever go beyond that remains to be seen. He is just. So great. And safe.

Jedao > Vincent, 6/10, a man is present, good hands, mean eyes, not a hot voice. the waistcoat and haircut cancel out

Jedao > Saga 4/10, which is high for a woman, in that he can see objectively that if he were into women she's aesthetically beautiful, and she has great PRESENCE, but he is just very gay

Jedao > Jamie 8/10, great smile, knows how to swordfight

Arthur > John, so he's never going to be like. sexually appealing. but bc John is John is John it's like 20
Arthur > Saga, 7 just generally bc he can appreciate that about her, but also -5 bc yeah the sibling energy is real, lmfao

Jedao > Florian 11/10 and trying not to be crazy about it

Jedao > John like 15/10 just obliteratingly hot

his standard human form is 10/10 even the beaky nose is sort of charming, but it's the Tentacles and Scale and Amorphousness and also loving him that super does it

Maniette: I think of it like 'big wingman energy': you should absolutely want them of course you do feels

hahaha

BASICALLY yeah

shipoftheseus: waningsunflower he's so happy people really like him with tentacles. That feels good and comfy.

Blitz DEFINITELY likes him with tentacles but also Astarion asked him to not go for it siiiigh

Twominsnotice: this is really for the best

one day he'll have vampire Florian and tentacles Johann to make up for it

he willl

Vincent: 6 but it's a respected six
Saga: 8. women who can fight are hot
John: not sure he's handsome but the vines feels almost....familial?
Florian: a respected six

Sokie is just gesturesat John, its 30, he's not human and he's amazing look at him

See I choose to believe that John is rating everyone 10 or so much higher because he can see multiple Lovecraft dimensions of attractiveness

Walter POV, there are subjective elements but no personal attraction in any of these cases
John: see like objectively he is very attractive in his most commonly used human form but like. He has multiple forms. That's very weird even when it's just a cat never mind truly abstract forms. He's like a negative imaginary number or something

Jamie: 6/10, pirates are cool but unfortunately he's a depressed traumatized pirate
Saga: 7/10, nice face and so on but very sweet and serious in a very barge warden coded way
Vincent: 7/10, I'd say he had the highest potential with the "classy" vibe but... The remorseless cult of it all... Nope

Florian: 5, he has a bit of a unique appearance and good for him but Walter can't really go there. He has his own unique circumstances anyway

the absolutely blistering take of walter taking points away because someone has cult vibes is sending me

ancillaries: that is part of it! (the John and his eldritch aesthetics and senses)

It's like Walter said to Trevor. Cults are bad but you can be bad without being in a cult

Sorry Walter, raised in it.

That said I'm wheezing helplessly imagining AU where they have this weird Reddit rivalry like they're living out a NoSleep

John is one of the few people so far he actually considers attractive in an actual aesthetic sense, b/c those tentacles were really beautiful and striking, okay? And his music was amazing, and that's from someone who's only tentatively into music. 10/10, would cuddle

Saga gets serious points for being no-nonsense, take charge, and dedicated to her people. 1000% a priority for him in anyone he's likely to care about. Has not hit in an aesthetic sense at all yet, b/c that takes a lot for him to notice or care about

Fuzzytale: See, she's the same way so she appreciates that.

excellent standards that he appreciates!

Sebastian @ JD: 0 :| His default human male form isn't really in line with Sebastian's aesthetics to begin with, but more importantly: eldritch cooties.
Sebastian @ Florian: 10/10, he's beautiful inside and out. He'd never insinuate anything because that would be Improper, not to mention he can respect not touching a friend's things.

But with that said: I'm pretty sure he doesn't even know Florian and Johann's relationship is an open-ish one and that Johann isn't as "mine and mine alone" as Sebastian assumes.

Gojyo @ Saga: 9/10 and the one minus point is only because she's sliiightly edging towards too old for him (not because she's actually old, Gojyo's just a baby).