At first I just wanted to. I just don’t want to die as a person who still believes that I'm too old and too stupid to restart learning English. To be laughed, scolded, punished. I must wash over those awful memories that come from my childhood.

I thought if I get a good score in a test, it will make me feel great. In the beginning, to imagine the scene really gave me some power to learn, but soon it became a stressful thing. So I tried to change my aim and started reading English novels which I love so much.

After a while, I can’t be satisfied with reading novels alone. I need companions to learn English together. But I’m afraid of teachers (even AI) and lessons, I don’t really know why but it's just like that. I feel more comfortable when I could have some topic freely. Especially, to share my feelings that came from books, songs, movies or videos.

Not like some formal networking events that always start from introducing my job, my country, or even my future goals. (I don’t even want to talk about those topics in mandarin. lol) I'm a merry loser who likes to stay in my snug room, to waste my time doing meaningless things with a peaceful mood.

Since I don’t want to take exams, I’m going to sell my exam textbooks to a second hand store. Because I feel guilty when I glimpse those books well covered in dust. It’s time to say goodbye to them. I’m excited to welcome a new chapter of my English journey. Even if I just write some idiot things to myself in front of the screen.

And I’ll try new activities in English and focus on the things that could make me happy. The most important thing to me is keeping a fiery heart to love English.