shipoftheseus ping of sorts for kahl in there! but zerxus could also drop into his inbox? (he basically just needs to go "SO ASMODEUS IS DEFINITELY HERE, PLEASE BE CAREFUL" in as private a way as possible)

Zerxus: makes high handed decisions for people

the Admiral, laughing, putting this pairing together: for your sins

i hope the admiral knows i love him u.u

Zerxus: oh shit have to protect my weird baby from my omnicidal ex!!!

the Weird Baby: put on YOUR oxygen mask dipshit

the Weird Baby: or I will personal crash this plane

sensible, proportional, rational people all around

zerxus like "have you considered i was in fact dumber than you thought"

he really hadn't!!

the bar was so low!

the funniest part of this is that asmodeus is definitely weaker than kahl rn and zerxus has no idea

who's playing him btw

me u.u

haha OK!!

Asmodeus what are your thoughts on a feral 10 year old who 100% believes in your beliefs

"let's make a BETTER pantheon"

he is Definitely Not mourning all of his siblings terribly

(the point where he'd have died, most of the other gods would have also been super fucked)

(in part, it must be emphasised, because he betrayed them)

asmodeus is just as much of a dumb motherfucker as zerxus just in the opposite direction

Roger is just like. all grown up rules and morality are hypocritical bullshit, but you have to pretend when they're around because they're bigger. strength is the only thing that's real.*

:333333

hey. hey feral child. wanna be a warlock

*patriotic insecure blowhards are easy to manipulate and cunning is also real

HE DOES. SO MUCH

it's so fucking funny to read Lord of the Flies if you throw out all the presumed "it's about the nature of humanity" or "it's about the nature of colonialism" readings and just track how many of the horrors would not have happened if THIS ONE KID SPECIFICALLY was less of a manipulative opportunistic sadist

.....their first conversation like

[chav accent] "are you the devil then?"

[nonplussed lord of hells] "yes"

[chav accent] "d'you like blood sacrifices or whatnot"

smash cut to Roger like: where I am gonna find a stick around here

for a proper sacrifice you need a stick you can sharpen at both ends :3

(this is for putting the head on a spike and displaying it somewhere)

he likes how you think, kid

fully does not need them, but he enjoys them anyway

(i mean i think it's ONE WAY to show worship, just not. the only one. but he encourages it because it's fun)

he's v much treating the narrenschiff like he does mortals on exandria, ie a game of sims where he figures out how many byzantine ways he can fuck up their lives

just being more subtle about it because he is. not in fact in charge of anything, and significantly weakened by being severed from hell/exandria. (but lying about it. obviously.)

also,

lmao me like "I should DO TAGS and not jump on DnD Beyond to stat out the world's squeakiest voiced warlock"

asmodeus ABSOLUTELY used some of that limited power to conjure this small child an appropriately infernal warlock cloak

fantastic

what it look like

.....god the funniest POSSIBLE spell to give him: Create Bonfire

jskadlasjdkla

WELP YOU GOTTA

Magic Stone is also pretty funny

given that he 100% murders Piggy with a rock

also amazing

i'm looking for a good Hilariously Evil-Looking Cloak reference but it def clasps with

he feels like a very fancy boy

the fanciest. there are definitely rubies

.....this also means he and zerxus are gonna match aesthetically and i find that very funny

congrats kahl you at least made him realise ONE THING

ie: never trust asmodeus not to be a spiteful bitch in every moment of his eternal life

baby steps!!!

Zerxus: you sould like HIM

Kahl: I am like him. only more self-aware

for which asmodeus should be ashamed for ever and ever amen tbh

"no you're still more mature than he is"

Kahl has some of the arrogance and most of the callousness, and honestly less of the impulse control, but a lot less of the deeply toxic entitlement

yeah there are certainly parallels but asmodeus has been marinating in a very specific cocktail of self-aggrandizing contempt

Kahl is who Asmodeus imagines he is

in terms of being.......The Most Unfairly Victimized

P MUCH, Kahl actually has -

yeah. a legitimate grievance

whereas because Kahl. actually DID NOTHING WRONG before his betrayal and imprisonment

zerxus does think there had to be a better way than just 'sealing half your family away forever' but like, having MET THEM, he is now more sympathetic to the prime deities

even now that he's got to the point of "why shouldn't I destroy the whole world to get what I want, it's nothing to me, it's hers, all of it's hers" he doesn't imagine that he's more important

he knows with 100% cold clarity that he's no one to anyone

Asmodeus can "I don't half to atone because I did nothing wrong all day" and Kahl will just

"my dude I was two minutes old"

you, on the other hand. did do some things. had some agency. perhaps

but you see, everything he did was justified -

it's not HIS fault that his siblings got overly attached to their barbies

and if they'd just LET HIM RIP THE SANDBOX APART they could be a happy family again

"i'm not the god of justice so i don't care. and you should stop pretending to be. it's super cringe"

Kahl @ Asmodeus is 1/2 "I'll eat your gizzard" and 1/2 willa making fun of Zerxus in gen Z slang

once again i wish i could draw just to make the image of kahl going Okay Boomer at asmodeus a reality

it's real for us

that's true u.u