had a nice morning with roomie but the compartmentalization of the shit they said abt me and my partner fell apart the moment they left the room

and i am just really sad. i'm sad and i'm mad and i miss my partner so bad that my chest hurts and i'm so anxious about having to inevitably sit down together to talk about whatever the fucking problem is here

work tonight and then my partner is going to pick me up otw home from their trip tmw evening for dinner and stuff... which will be nice but then it'll be right back to work hell until the weekend which is when we're all supposed to talk ugh

ganba cee...

I'm sorry stuff is so tough and you've got to wait so long to get... closure, I guess?

I hope work is as stress free as possible and that you have a good time with your partner

thank you... yeah unfortunately saturday is the soonest day that none of us have work

i just wish i could imagine it going any way except poorly. i know part of that is my generally horrible mental state lately and part of it is stress response from how poorly some of my other attempts at conflict resolution w this roommate have gone

but it is just so hard for me to foresee an outcome that isn't either them admitting this is their own problem/insecurities and me being like. then why did you feel the need to put this on us. or them not acknowleding that it is a them problem and making a bunch of unfair requests for us to change behaviors, and me having to be like... no

or i guess the secret third option where partner and i have actually been assholes somehow and then we get to sit with that forever bc this roommate will never be able to let go of my past behaviors and mistakes specifically

i just can't get past what a wildly selfish thing it is to say to someone and their partner that it's hard to be around them bc it's weird that they're dating now

just like. sorry man. go to therapy about it? LMFAO

i just remembered i have to do laundry tomorrow too

the nightmares never end

did not occur to me that work would suck so much ass tonight bc we aren't getting a delivery tomorrow

I knew Tuesday was gonna suck but

also not looking forward to being in the house alone again w roommate all day tmw until partner gets home... buh

I'M TIRED OF PRETENDING TO BE CHILL

honestly hoping I can just finish my laundry as early as possible since Naya is out and then sleep all day until date time

mission success: replaced the cracked screen protector on my phone even though putting a screen protector on without getting debris or smudges underneath it is the most impossible task in the fucking world

i don't think this one is as thick as the one we got from the store when we bought the phone but another one of those was 40 fucking dollarooneys so i was like. hm, no thanks, i will get a $12 two-pack instead

laundry done, time to hopefully sleep until partner is home and I can make my escape from this accursed space

yeah NEVER get the ones in store they are so spensy for basically the same thing

kt somehow has developed the magical power of being really good at putting on screen protects. i have the sinking suspicion this is due to practice

kt is stronger than I'll ever be

literally only have gotten them at the store so the associates/phone wizards can just put them on for me tbh ☠️☠️☠️ LMFAO

i mean in your defense. that would be me if not for katy lol

me approaching my sister like please... the screen protector... use your magic...

I've done it a couple times myself but it's so stressful lol

IT'S SO STRESSFUL AND I ALWAYS GET DUST OR DEBRIS UNDER IT SOMEHOW

no matter how much I clean the phone and make sure my work area is clean

here are some hot tips i learned last time I did this

in homes, bathrooms are honestly a decent place to do it for the following reasons

one: smaller rooms, easier to get the work area/surface clean
two: you can run the shower for a few minutes ahead of time to get the room like. steamy? when the air is more humid, dust in the air moves around less

three: in addition to cleaning your work surface, make sure there's no dust ABOVE you, like on fans or work surfaces. on that note, make sure fans are turned off. this again helps with keeping dust out of the air while you work
four: it's always easier to put a screen protector on a brand new device out of the box vs. one that's already in use

the last one is important to keep in mind if, say, you get a switch or a something and are waiting on a screen protector. gotta be patient to open it until the screen protector is there, or make sure you've got the screen protector first before buying the device

the bathroom thing is such a good tip... I hadn't even considered that humid air might help

i think I do actually have switch screen protectors just. in a box. that I havent put on yet because I hate applying them so fucking much

it's such a miserable experience. i cannot blame you

also why did i say work surfaces re: dust above you... that should be light fixtures

........... I didn't even notice LOL

I just instinctively knew what you meant

Lolllll

Brain to brain communication. Altho now I'm thinking about non Euclidean counters

im always thinking about non-euclidean counters

i had a very nice evening/day with my partner but i made the mistake of napping on the couch today and boy it fucked with my neck SO BAD

and i work the next 3 nights

sadness... crushing. tummyache... also crushing.

my TL has been very complimentary of me at work lately and idk how to feel about it

it should probably be positively since almost everything else in my life is kind of making me feel garbo lately but

it is something I've been thinking around in a roundabout way for a while bc I have constantly been wishing lately that I could just live with my partner and I kind of regret signing the 2yr lease but it didn't sink in for me until I was walking out of work that like

my living situation is making me miserable actually

I feel vile just walking into my own house

and I seriously have no idea that any amount of talking at this point is going to fix that

man. what a cool thing to have rattling around in my head

rubs your back... I'm sorry cee, that is a really crummy... how to put it

put words to the bad feeling to you have? and understanding it

but at the same time like. knowing that you want to move out puts an end date on things, you know?

at the very longest it's til the end of the lease. potentially sooner if you can find a new roommate to move in after you move out

tbh I already planned to move out at the end of the lease but I wish I reasonably could sooner

drawn out tummyache war tonight but work wasn't too bad aside from discovering a bag of rice absolutely infested with moths that I then had to take to my manager

I've been very prone to stomachaches lately and I think the prolonged anxiety over the unresolved stuff with my roommate is contributing a lot

anyway I hate to be a snitch but I might need to contact upper management bc I learned that the food safety department has apparently been on daytime grocery's ass about taking apart the shelves to properly clean them bc the moths. are inside the shelves. and daytime grocery management just won't do it so there is just

a very persistent moth problem. and that is PRETTY DISGUSTING IMO LMFAO

me gritting my teeth, crying, like this would have never happened at my old store

honestly. there really just needs to be a designated crew and day to do this kind of thing. because individual departments are just expected to find time to do it alongside their usual duties and that means it never gets done bc there's always too much other shit to do LMFAO

but what do I know.........

had breakfast with my partner so we could eat the last of the peaches I got to share and also get me out of this accursed house again for a bit

(I also went over for lunch ytd bc I was awake anyway and landscaping was keeping me up, as usual...)

tummy still wildly upset and anxiety still very high but I always feel a little better when I am with partner...

MOTH INFESTATION... IN THE AISLES

me at the day crew: gamers that's Vile

sends your tummy becalming waves

YEAH IT'S REALLY GROSS I am understanding of some baseline grossness in an operation as big as this but that's like. oh the shelves are dusty. oh there's flour on stuff in the baking aisle. oh a very overworked employee did not catch one single moldy berry or flower amongst literal hundreds.

not, like, PERSISTENT PEST INFESTATION

PERSISTENT PEST INFESTATION IS VERY VERY DIFFERENT.

and apparently the health inspectors have never caught it bc daytime grocery just cleans the outsides of the shelves rly good before they come

i feel like at this point it would be less effort to just. take care of the problem?

vs hiding it from the health inspectors?????

but taking all the product off the shelves to disassemble them is hard

just like how disassembling their dumb endcaps to comb through sauces and tomatoes for any that have expired is too hard

(another time I had to go to my manager: being assigned to the pasta aisle and going to put overflow on the endcap and finding expiration dates from 2022 on canned goods)

(in 2024)

CANNED GOODS

THAT'S HOW YOU GET BOTTULISM!!!!!!

YEAH

the health inspectors never caught those either so I guess maybe that just doesn't say good things about their priorities/practices but I was just like

because then we were the ones who had to empty the pasta endcaps and go through them for expired stuff.

because day shift was not fixing it

woke up on the absolute worst side of the bed before work and then was in (not my top least fav but) one of my least favorite aisles

feelin like ASS

gotta run to the gas station to pick up provisions and then shower when I get home ... and then I have my appointment for the new COVID vaccine a little before noon

last-minute decision on my part but decided doing it at the beginning of my long weekend would give me a good excuse to languish and not interact too much with roommate before our talk tmw

the brain is absolutely poisoned with rumination

and i don't want to externalize that energy

tiredly shakes hand in getting boosted (got my vaccine yesterday)

hope your languishing is at least restful cee. maybe bring a game or a book or something to keep you preoccupied

did not end up getting boosted yesterday for various nonsense reasons, new appointment on Monday

today is when my partner and I are supposed to have this super fun talk with my roommate and I am so nauseous

feeling really quite horrendous lads

feeling better today generally, not rly about the results of the talk but I have been able to put it out of my mind for the most part and the anxiety has subsided so there's that

vaccinated and had lunch with my partner since my vaccine site was over by their place and I needed to grab something I left over there anyway... had burger with eggy on top

fueled up for a long day of the vaccine kicking my ass

yaaaaay vaccination

burger with egg fantastic combo.

yes though getting the eggs cooked was a trying process. I dropped one egg straight on the floor, and then melted my partner's only clean spatula bc I'm not used to how hot their gas stove gets, and then burnt my finger on the edge of the pan as I was putting the cheese on top of one of the eggs

me: I'll help with lunch honey
also me: turns into a disaster tornado in their kitchen

wow i am not enjoying the way my dreams last night made me feel

man. vibes improved for a bit but became real weird and bad again

tummyache and construction is just my every day now it seems

back to work tonight after a very mixed bag long weekend... and working a lot over the next week smh

at least I will make money

trying so hard to get some more sleep before d&d and work but it's so hot again ☠️ ugh

haaaaaate how temperatures jumped way back up again

IT SUCKS SO BAD PLEASE JUST GIVE ME FALL

WE ARE BEGGING

have once again reached "laying under a damp towel" levels of uncomfortably hot, even despite the best and very helpful efforts of my cooling unit ough...

discovered that it was so unbearably hot in my room yesterday because our thermostat is not working! so our AC just wasn't running yesterday!

and it kicked back on for a few hours this morning but then died again roomie and landlord both think the thermostat needs a new battery... which the store was OUT OF STOCK of when i went to go look so . got a delivery coming tonight for that

praying that it just needs a new battery because it's supposed to be hot during the day for the next week at least and i can't live like this

the new battery did not fix the thermostat. i am in hell

my emotions have done some very ugly things tonight as a result of this development. hanging out with partner on VC helped a little but i remain trapped in this broiler of a house unsure of when it will be made less of a broiler

oh I think that's grounds for justifiable homicide

Hey ac???? Please fucking work??????

yeah I am VERY unhappy LMFAO

wouldn't be an issue if it had happened last week or whatever when it had cooled down but nope. gotta happen when the days are hot as shit again

I really hate this so much

I crave the sweet embrace of the dirt

time to skibidelete the world

actually had a pretty good day despite everything (the AC is still not fixed but even still) but. wow. as soon as I got to work and my brain only had itself to occupy it, everything REALLY caught up to me

including the absolutely none sleep I got

thankfully work isn't too busy for me tonight but ough... just need to stave off the meltdown until 5...

survived my shift and slept like an absolute fucking rock at partner's place... now to head back over to wait for the landlord and pray he can fix the furnace and get the HVAC working again

hoping I can get more sleep after he's done bc the debt is steep but whew

HVAC system/thermostat still not working properly

landlord is gonna have to make some calls and get someone else to come out and look at it... sighs

me attempting to be nice and polite to the dude who controls my living space for the next 2 years while I make strangling motions behind the screen at the fact that he still hasn't called a professional