I think over the past year or so ive basically acknowledged that im transgender in some capacity but I've never told anybody (until this plurk I guess) nor taken any steps to rectify this mental dissonance so guaranteed that's half the reason I liked it but since I've never been interested in clothing before it's kind of weird to just have all these

female clothing textures just be unlocked LOL

I know a year or whatever is a really long while to just be sitting on that sort of information and not telling anybody but like I still don't really know anything about transgenderism and I am pretty happy with whatever I get so I have a pretty large zone of "whatever feels right* so its kind of not bad at all. Also I can't be fucked to change my identity

"its too much effort" sounds like a very silly excuse but its really valid a lot of the time I think. I mean I think in this case specifically "risk" would be a better word but if its not a massive bother (as is for me), I can't bring myself to expend whatever I have to do to change this idea I have of myself. i always hear appearance being the primary

concern for transgender people but tbh most (male, at least) clothes are pretty much androgynous lookin anyway so whatever. what im getting at is that I think im weird for not caring for a lot of these material things that I hear so much about trans ppl going and getting so I don't relate a lot which makes me think oh maybe im not trans after all but idk

I wish I could edit a reply instead of the main Plurk but for clarity I mean like wanting physical validation from other people I guess in the form of ensuring people call you your preferred pronoun or getting hormonal treatment etc and maybe ive been conditioned or whatever to being male but even tho im slightly bothered on the inside I don't feel like

changing my Outside will fix this. again its not that pervasive im just spewing thoughts

similarly I find it weird that people need to leave behind an old identity (usually with a new name or something like that) when (at least for me) my personality is only a few small steps away from how id be as a girl anyway (which is to say that its not really different) which makes it redundant to toy with pronouns and new names and stuff like that

I think it's because I already mentioned caring less about being socially integrated as whatever my brain thinks I should be and more just knowing it as a piece of myself so maybe that just matters less to me. I have many questions and I feel like I haven't met anyone who will understand me lol