Just. having trouble drumming up motivation to do anything except browse the net....

I should have had prints drawn for the con I'm going to but I didn't even do that

at least i made a bunch of new merch

but hhhh

I somehow need to screw my head on back right. Somehow

At least I actually woke up in the morning today

like. I do want to do stuff? but i have trouble either getting myself to focus or actually start the thing I want to do

it's been so bad....

this kinda stuff is like.... a mental switch for me though. i have to wait until something flips in my brain and then i'm suddenly motivated

i'm feeling like i might hit that switch soon. i hope. i wanted to get my shit together after the con

gently touches your shoulder I absolutely understand

actually i will admit

i started feeling like doing stuff again because i woke this morning and thought "but what if i actually tried to draw more ratiorine/aventio fanart"

i don't usually draw fanart

i find it really hard to actually

i don't know why

hard to think of scenes and stuff i want to darw

but.

maybe i could use rp as inspiration /thinking emote

my mind has also been begging me to do life drawing studies of muscular dudes but draw ratio

so uh

if ratio is really going to drag my life back together it'll be so funny

i definitely want to draw ratio encouraging me.... it might actually help hehe

i should also, ironically, sleep a little less

i find that sometimes being fully rested makes me indolent, or at least lets the anxiety ridden part of my brain have more control than i want

Yeah! Honestly it sounds like you might have ADHD/similar issues so my advice for getting stuff done is set a timer of 20 minutes work, 5-10 minutes break, and repeat until your task is done

It’s helped me a lot when I was struggling with school work

honestly, i don't feel like i have adhd... not that self-diagnosis is reliable in any way but i don't relate to most adhd experiences

self-diagnosis being like doing those online tests that you can use to determine if you should really get it checked out

i am actually quite good at focusing when i really want to

the question is the want part LOL

like i did not have trouble keeping up with animation school which had a 8 course workload

i just uh lived and breathed homework but it all got done in time

my problems are probably of a different nature. maybe anxiety related

wow i was productive and finally got a doctor's appt scheduled

nice!

now i need to draw a goose

that is not a joke

yeah that sounds more like anhedonia which is a depression type

obligatory question of when did you last get outside your enclosure (do something other than your routine places and things) bc that's a huge factor for me

i have some depressive traits yeah, but my worst point was maybe almost a decade ago. i haven't been that bad since

last time was uhhhh man i can barely remember. pretty sure i left the house in the last week or two

was bamtori really two weeks ago...

i am pretty aware that me being stuck at home has something to do withit

i stopped going on my daily walks back in june, i should restart

maybe actually go lane swimming

just so i can leave the house for longer

"it's not the worst it's ever been" does not mean that what's going on right now 1) doesn't suck 2) isn't depression happening to you

go get out of your house and get some enrichment

after the con yeah

i am very aware of my problem i just. am not doing anything about it lmao

i have very low motivation to do things in life in general so it takes sooooooooooo little to slip into depression mode lololol

i actually need motivational dr ratio in my life