i have been so sick with anxiety lately it has been unreal. last night at work i had the worst persistent chest pain i've had since i was actively recovering from covid

thankfully it was a sunday and me working at like 40% of my max speed was not a huge deal but jesus h i am so ready for The Situation™ to be over

man. tummy angy

trying to work on personal projects to distract myself while i wait for laundry but bbbrbgkhrhj

our fucking dryer is broken which of course i didn't discover until after washing 2 loads of laundry.

it's tumbling but not getting hot and i just

can i catch. a single break. an absolute fucking crumb of a break.

i also forgot the roof people were coming over tomorrow and of course it's the one bi-yearly tuesday i'm scheduled to work

rip

fucking rip indeed

so. i get to figure out what to do with my mountain of damp fucking clothes (currently in the dryer anyway, tumbling is better than just sitting there)

and figure out when i want to go to my partner's because i absolutely will not be able to sleep in my hot-ass room with roof people doing roof shit into the afternoon

made the right call going to my partner's place last night bc apparently the roof folks got there at 7am and did not finish until nearly 3pm and it was so loud Naya could hear it from the basement

hell.

work is slow which is good but it's giving me too much time to rotate some things in my head... sighs

tired. weighing the merits of going home this afternoon or staying at my partner's for another night bc I am gonna have to come back over to get them tmw anyway

I mean if I had to get up at all early to go get them I would just stay tbh

yeah honestly I'd probs just chill there and then head on back over here tomorrow for festivities!!

well, I work tonight so I wouldn't be getting up early, I'd just get them early after work while I'm still awake JNGNSKGS but yeah I'm just gonna stay over here at this point...

I'm still processing a lot of stuff that happened with The Situation™️ too and I just. do not feel like returning to normal life yet

work was so much hell,,, ough

work was somehow even worse last night than wednesday i'm so sick of getting stuck in baking goods the day after a holiday

anyway. working on some prompts for the silent spring TDM... i feel so rusty LOL

got some very bad news about a sudden death in the family (not my immediate but still very gutting) on Saturday night so was not able to finish my TL or really do much of anything yesterday

hoping...to finish it today. my partner has been over and my roommates have been taking care of me so I'm a little better but a new wave of grief about it hit me walking to my car after work so I guess we'll see what I can do

I would love for life to give me a break for even a moment

partner finally went home. realized that across the latest nonsenses, we've been together almost a full week, so between that and the looming grief I am feeling very bereft without them

I don't really want to languish in bed and sleep all night but I feel like I am exhausted enough to

already in a bad mood and more Amazon charging my roommate's subscription shit to the credit card I'm desperately trying to reduce the balance of cool

the vibes are rancid today but I would like to do something enriching so we shall see if I can get the rest of this TL done and maybe a sketch of humanized Kalmiya

a million years later i have carrots and pita chips with hummus. time to write

dear god I'm so tired

managed 6hrs of sleep yesterday morning and then woke up with the absolute most rancid vibes and spent my whole day irritable and anxious, and sorting out various things in an attempt to be less of both of those things

and then I had D&D

and then work

I've been trying to figure out why I'm so irritable lately bc like. yeah I've been under a lot of stress but even on my days off where absolutely nothing happened for once, everything was pissing me off for no reason

and I think........ it's my new birth control

it's been so long since I've been on it that I forgot what it can do to your mood

the timing of starting it and my inexplicable proclivity for annoyance line up so ...

hopefully my body will acclimate soon. I don't like being on the cranky bitch juice

desperately wanted to get an earlier start on the household task I need to do before I can shower and go over to partner's place for their bday but wow I have felt ILL

whew i was busier and sleepier than anticipated and i have work tonight so further tags and invite request will have to wait until tmw at the earliest

think I'm coming down with some kind of bug bc life is a cruel joke wah

unshockingly, i am having the time of my life (sarcastic) with fedex

i just want my AC unit... i am so sick of trying to exist in this heat...

if i had realized this shit would be coming through fedex i would have reconsidered my purchase. that is my track record with fedex

Explodes fedex with my mind

i hate them so much silvie i have NEVER had a good experience with fedex

FEDEX SUCKS!!

ups is my mail delivery service enemy but i have never heard anything good about fedex

i don't particularly like UPS either but it's much more hit or miss for me. fedex is ALWAYS a miss

i'm sure it varies a bit by area which is the worst (i know some areas even have rly bad USPS service, which is a shame) but just. man. FEDEX

yeah my gripes with ups is that like. they have basically hidden any ways of keeping decent track of your stuff or adjusting delivery behind a fucking app that requires you to make an account with them

and also they would keep putting the "we missed you <3" sticker on my door when i was there. so annoying

anyway. fedex is the worst. ive heard literally nothing but horror stories

man i wish i'd gotten a sticker today. would love any proof that they even came by our house bc i did not see them any of the times i looked out the window, no one heard a knock, and no one heard the doorbell, including my roommate who lives in the basement where the doorbell is

I forgot to get my mail when I went downstairs. nts to get my mail next time I go downstairs

spot the things wrong with this photo

Are they, fedex???? ARE THEY?????

life is an unending nightmare

an associate from the fedex location did actually call me though to follow up on my delivery appointment request, and i mentioned what happened here and she told me that it was bc the request was only made for one tracking number

(which. was the master one. and it wasn't indicated anywhere in the system that i'd need to request both pieces of a multi-piece shipment separately)

so that's why one piece ended up on a truck today. but we scheduled a delivery window tomorrow from 1-3pm and she said she'd just call the truck driver with the other half of the shipment and ask them to bring it back so both pieces can be delivered tomorrow in my requested window

i respect you, colleen from [redacted location] fedex.

now i also have the [redacted location] fedex's number too in case i need to call them directly

thank you colleen for resolving the issue

THANK YOU COLLEEN

we smalltalked while I pulled up the email so hopefully that'll help my case. that good ol' Maryland chattiness

manifesting work not being too busy tonight bc my tummy is inexplicably angry at me

TDL tomorrow:
★ take out trash after work
★ sign for fedex delivery 1-3pm
☆ work on rod of security write-up for one of Kalmiya's campaigns
★ respond to some campaign side RP/discussion stuff in the server
☆ tags
☆ work on Kalmiya's info/permissions posts
☆ play a video game or something for the love of god
★ boba with roomie

maybe tabletop tomorrow but it is tentative... we shall see

focus juice low... think i need to catch some more sleep before work

omg work was so FUCKIGN busy for me and me specifically tonight

Wednesday big night for UNFI i guess

i keep getting batshit aisle assignments lately and tbh im begging to be a less valuable member of the team

I know it's bc it's big vacation time for a lot of the most reliable folks so I'm getting their hours and sometimes their assignments but. boy howdy. jesus. I miss being able to have a slow night at work sometimes LMFAO

finally my fedex adventure is over and my cooling unit is here

i can't use it right away bc it needs some time for the refrigerant to settle but... soon... hopefully soon i will no longer be sleeping in 90+ degree conditions

i got so much less sleep than i wanted today bc it was a big ol' anxiety day... which meant i was more tired than i wanted and accomplished LESS than i wanted

but that is okay. maybe i take a midnight nap and do some more tmw before work

the time has come to hopefully find out if the new birth control is going to do its primary job (making my periods not nightmarish)

fingers crossed

fingers big crossed bc I work 4 days in a row this weekend including tonight 😭😭😭 I can't be letting my organ tantrum win this battle

fingers extra crossed

Extra fingers extra crossed

🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞🤞

🤞🤞🤞 and some more

opted not to call out of work tonight, hopefully i do not regret it

(i probably will i am always in stupid busy aisles on fridays)

the cosmos have blessed me for my suffering... assigned aisle is light in both load and weight tonight

there isn't even anything on the wrong runners??? shocking

idk what I'm gonna do all night once I'm done but that's a problem for after-lunch cee

ended up finishing up natures for my manager and then doing shrink of all things bc there was nothing else to do

I have never seen anyone except management sit down and do the huge pile of shrink. big responsibility (I don't think it is) (but it feels like it)

can only pray that tonight isn't too crazy bc my body is still absolutely not having it but #saturdays

I'll call out if I need to but I do not want to have to...

anyway my cooling unit is nice but my bed is a little too tall for it to blow the cool air over it so I need to look into a little riser for it or something

roomie loaned me a little low shelf in the meantime

think... I will not call out tonight... I don't feel fantastic but I think I'll survive

my manager told me not to worry about dead stock so I finished WAY earlier than I thought I would and was able to help a coworker who was drowning. dabs

the time clock was super fucky bc we finally switched over but ofc we switched over........in the middle of the night

so most of us had to just sign the paper log. that'll be fun for payroll I'm sure

anyway I don't feel fantastic but i have felt much worse coming off of a shift, especially on my period, so I think the new BC is helping

even if it is making my hormones turn me into a crazy person emotionally but hopefully that'll level out LMFAO

oh I feel like ASS tonight... sleep dep hours who up

except I got sleep. maybe not enough sleep?? not good enough sleep??? idk but I feel horrendous

the Big Sad do be nipping at my heels tonight and it's so slow at work

time for me to forget every piece of media i've ever consumed as i fill out this application

absolute clownshoes shift last night

one of my aisles had been COMPLETELY overhauled and i couldn't find ANYTHING because i must use "aisle" here loosely, as that aisle assignment actually consists of the whole labyrinth of connected chip aisles

which means shit was scattered over like 3 different aisles/half-aisles in totally new places

so that was fun. but that wasn't even my biggest problem. my biggest problem was opening a box of graham crackers only to find it infested with (what i suspect were) grain beetles

SO FINISHING THAT AISLE AFTER DEALING WITH THAT WAS A NIGHTMARE

and then i capped off my shift mentioning to my TL that i helped coworker B because coworker A (who she'd told me to check on) didn't need help, and TL made a catty remark about coworker B already having someone else to help in that aisle as if it was selfish of coworker B to...not tell me not to help???

2/3 of my managers are so fucking catty honestly. this is why my worksona is pleasant to everyone. i don't need that kind of energy in my face or behind my back

man... i love applying for a credit card with a bank i've had an account in incredibly good standing with for 2 years, with a very good credit score, from a pre-approved offer they were BEGGING me to take, only to be rejected LMFAO

o well. paid my auto and renter's insurance. time to stop thinking about money (until my paycheck deposits) and tag for a bit

tummyache and i am NOT being brave about it

why did morning me complain about a tummyache when my neck is the thing that is actively exploding for no apparent reason???

smdh

body...stop...

i really can't just have one day of peace LOL

normally when it acts up like this it's after i've been sleeping/laying down for a long time but it really kind of came out of nowhere last night while i was drawing

i wasn't stuck in bad posture for THAT long

uuuugh

oh no the tummyache was an omen (of tummy hurt a little too much for a little too long disease)

man... i really think my pop-up parade ammy might just be lost to the void

i haven't seen her since before the move, i've emptied or gone through pretty much every box that's left, i've double-checked the most likely places...

i think she has either ended up in the attic or she's just gone

noooo

I'M REALLY SAD ABOUT IT... my ammy nendo lost her companion...

UPDATE I FOUND AMMY

all i had to do was give up hope

damn I gotta give up hope for my keys some more

complaining on the internet solves another crisis!

i've been looking for MONTHS idk how this solved it

i noticed there was one small decorative box that still had saran wrap from the move on it and i was like... no...... it can't be.........

BUT IT WAS

YAYYYYY so glad you found her

me too i rly thought i was gonna have to replace her

me trying so hard to get back into my various hobbies but work is grinding me into a fine paste and leaving me so little time or energy for them

summer isn't even our busiest time of year. but it's busy for me, the part-timer, because summer is when all the full-timers go on vacation and there are a million holes to fill

the holidays suck too but we're not allowed to take vacation over the holidays so with all hands on deck less shit falls to the part-timers...

anyway. time to finish my silent spring app

when u are just so so so so so sleepy and yet your body won't let you sleep

please I have had about 11 second winds since waking up to finish my app last night I want to REST

trying desperately to focus on my day off tomorrow and not the fact that I'm working 5 nights in a row after that

I crave the end of summer for so many reasons

oooooo my shoulder is MAD today

I need to get back into doing my physical therapy stretches routinely

oof

my partner's bed is not terribly kind to my body jfnnsngs

god. i'm so old to be dealing with the kind of shit that happens in journal RP and i am WAY too old to deal with it happening in my close friend group in a TTRPG setting