I called her bluff. She just threatened physical violence against me. I said she was crazy, I said she was mentally and emotionally abusive and I want her the fuck out

She said “she’s working on it” but I told her right to her face she was crazy

And of course she didn’t raise a hand to me because she’s a coward and a liar

National Domestic Violence Hotline

She kept saying “I’m your mother.” No being my fucking mother doesn’t give you the right to threaten PHYSICAL ABUSE

NCCAFV | Phone Numbers | Adult Protective Services

If she does anything, absolutely call 911. Get someone out there.

But these two hotlines should give you some resources.

if she does, then she really HAS reached a point of no return, she'd probably break her hand trying

but regardless it's messed up on so many levels

that she'd turn the fact that she has a problem into "how dare you say this about me", and the fact that she would make threats over it

AND even the fact that she literally walked over to ant to pick this fight with him

christ

hmmm, do you have any legal paperwork that identifies her as a tenant of your home?

or gives her any legal claim to your home

Now when my FIL tried to turn his brother-in-law out he had to evict him since he had been living there for some time. There wasn't threats of violence involved there though.

knighted no

Evicting Guests, Roommates, Family Members, and Othe...

You could start by giving her 30 days notice to leave but that'd probably escalate things. Then again if it does you can call the cops and see if they'll help you then, they may refuse before serving her 30 days notice.

I’ve given her notice

you did that a couple weeks ago yeah? fucking nerve to threaten the child literally housing you despite your abuse

Written notice too? That's what my FIL had to do.

you've given her verbal notice. now follow up with written notice to confirm your intent.

do not back down on this. under any circumstances.

Seconding the written notice

Holy shit?? Yes I. Am seconding people who have already spoken

and I'd also suggest putting a hard deadline on that notice. a specific date she must vacate by.

Also suggesting written notice. There are templates online you can find for a notice to vacate

Keep a copy yourself. Multiple copies.

And yeah, hard date and time, usually about 30 days. Keep copies for yourself, physically and digitally

I would absolutely call a lawyer also.

we don't have money for a lawyer

There may be some manner of free legal counsel available in your community. My wife and I accessed a service when we were in dispute with our landlord years ago

https://www.americanbar.... Even if you can't engage one you might be able to get some answers to make sure you're dotting the i's and t's!

I hope you’re able to get her out of there without too much trouble. She absolutely needs to go.

Legal aid resources HERE or HERE could be helpful

Evicting Guests, Roommates, Family Members, and Othe... eviction information for AZ

Preventing Eviction in Arizona also same from HUD for AZ

THIS contains more info about the difference between a tenant and a guest

AZPOINT Protective Orders > Home direct link to filing for order of protection, which I do suggest considering her escalation and the threats today.

an ORDER OF PROTECTION could be useful in this scenario to remove her

it sounds like it's important to determine if she is legally recognized as a tenant or as a guest in your home.

Arizona
This came from the AZ bar association website - volunteer attorneys answering questions

fucking furious right now. She tried to say that I was abusing her

she's insane

she literally threatened you with physical violence

^^^^^ the fuck

okay I just need to

take a step back and figure this out

thank you guys this is a lot of good info

I appreciate it

I didn't even know where to start, my mind was reeling

contacting my therapist too to see if she has any resources

you got this!

jesus christ

yeah therapist is a good start too, they'll be able to give you more accurate local info

protecting yourself from someone who threatened to hit you is not abuse even if she cries crocodile tears for the next decade

Exactly

and if her ex did also actually get an order that's more proof of extreme behavior

i know a big dude named carl that can get it done

I put my faith in carl

god I'm just

my anxiety is through the fucking roof right now

I filled out the protection order to bring to the courthouse on Monday

need to look through the legal resources but I'm just

it's like gibberish to me right now

I'm so fucking angry

like I want to go upstairs and sparta kick her door down and just fucking scream at her until she leaves but I know that won't help but

fuck man FUCK

FUCK HER

dont engage while ur angry
im sorry this is going on

you're right, it wont help. and i'm sure it's tempting...go for a walk if you need to get that energy out, or something. If she tries to engage you later or tomorrow just ignore her.

god I'm so, so sorry ant. this is all so awful and all because she continually chooses to become worse.

fucking never thought she'd threaten violence. She's NEVER threatened to hit me before

I'm fucking...I don't know man I am all over the place

everyone has given great advice but you also might want to get takeout, or cook (she is not invited to eat) because you are expending a lot of energy and need to eat

I wish it wasn't Saturday

(Hugs you tight) Sorry I’m late to this again, but how fucking dare she. Agreed, take your time to calm down and gather resources. And depending, a lawyer might represent you pro bono, or you might win money from her in the case. Or we would help you raise money.

Also like… this goes without saying, but if you need to take breaks from things like streaming while you’re dealing with this, ABSOLUTELY DO SO. If you need the distraction though, we’re here for you.

Oh, and infinity-ing the paper trail. Written eviction notice, log of abusive behavior from her, the whole shebang. The more documentation you have for legal processes, the better.

Update: first off, I’m fine. Blood pressure is a little high but otherwise I’m just doing my thing. She’s keeping to herself, seems like she’s packing things randomly in her room. She only interacted with me yesterday once to ask me if she could use some boxes. Not worth fighting over so I said yes. Aside from that we’ve ignored one another.

Protection order is drafted and I’m waiting for my brother to get back on Tuesday before I drop it off because I’d like to speak to him in person about how this can be enforced. Ideally, I’d rather not turn this into a big legal battle because I don’t have the spoons for it. I have the order ready to go in case she does something stupid.

This is by no means me wanting to back down or rethink my stance on this, this is purely because with my head the way it is right now, I’m not sure I can take...all of this

That said, I have a plan if she does do something stupid

Hilary and I have discussed, at length, what to do including documenting her coming after me with our phones and any aftermath. My mom is 66, has soft bones, and is like 100 pounds soaking wet so at best she’ll probably break her hands on me and then cry elder abuse so I want it documented what actually happens

Hilary has also told me that, in the unlikely event she goes after her, to do the same, which is good because my kneejerk response to her going after my wife is to literally throw her through a wall

Either way, we have a plan and I cannot stress that I am fine

As fine as I could be anyway

im glad u got each others backs

I appreciate everyone giving me the resources I need. I promise you I’m not going to squander them I’m just playing things at a pace I feel comfortable with

She’s packing shit up. She’s figuring it out. Threatening me with physical abuse was the last straw and if she tries to act like nothing happened I will tell her to her face this bridge is torched by her own hand

You can’t walk it back with “well I’m your mother”

Being my parent doesn’t justify it. My body isn’t yours to hit. Get fucked.

And I will tell everyone in my family who asks that I threw her out because of that

I also have an incredible network of friends (you clowns) that if things do get crazy I know you will all find some way to help me so I’m not afraid

Hell yes. (Hugs tight) You've got this, dude.

i'm glad to hear she's actively packing and shit.

did you give her a written eviction notice or anything?

knighted not yet but I'm going to get one drafted up. I'm kind of feeling this out bit by bit. My mom is very much the "talk big" type which is why I called her bluff yesterday and she didn't do anything

she's waiting to see if I do something to her because she wants to use it against me. She's used to all of the men in her life raising their hands to her

my brother and I aren't like that. I spoke to my brother about all of this and apparently she beat the shit out of him years ago and he just took it and laughed at her

he didn't call the police because my brother has a record so

so she knows she could get away with that

she can't do that with me. I'm clean as a fucking whistle so if she does something, she knows she's getting hauled away and she won't jeopardize her freedom for that

so I'm lining up all of my ducks so all I need to do is pull triggers accordingly

(also waiting to hear any insight from my therapist but that won't be until tomorrow)

that seems like a solid plan

i hope it doesn't have to come to anything and she just gets the hell out asap

seems like that's how it's gonna play out

before yesterday's blow up she'd skulk around and be so devastated that I'd disrespect her and that I'm throwing her out without an ounce of self-awareness that this could all be avoided if she respected me and opened herself up to criticism.

oh well, that ship has sailed

the last several months have been laser guided karma coming her way so

the consequences of her actions, etc etc

yyyyyup

yeah, agree with recording EVERY interaction in some way. arizona is a one party consent law state so you do not need her permission

Oh this is good to know thank you

I’m glad you’re doing okay dude. And that you have plans in place - but, and i mean this in the best way possible, I knew you would. You’re resourceful and smart like that.

And Hilary is too

god this is such an utterly fucked and frightening situation. i'm really glad you're currently safe and that you're started on getting things in place to keep it that way

thanks guys, I appreciate the votes of confidence

Damn, you're not in Florida. I was gonna say you can call 911 and say you need someone Baker Acted

the Baker Act is a thing that allows it so a person who is an active danger to themselves or others can be forcibly committed

it's one of the few actually good things in FL

I think there is something similar in AZ.

Regardless: best of luck, man. That's scary

thank you. I'll be alright though

Update again: she came down to apologize to me for putting me through that shit with her ex and to apologize for threatening to smack the shit out of me. I told her in no uncertain terms that our relationship is dead and gone and I asked for a timeline of when she’s leaving. She tried to guilt me that “it would be quicker if I didn’t have a loan to pay for

I ignored it and told her I want confirmation she’s leaving and she said yes and that I will allow her to continue to look but if she threatens me again I’m going to have her forcibly removed. I made it clear and she understood. I told her that she is not welcome to eat with us but there will be food for her to eat.

She started to cry and say she’s on her meds and they’re making her feel better and I told her I don’t care. The threat of violence was the last straw our relationship is done

So I’ve got this handled guys

Updating you all because I know you’re worried

I’m still drafting everything up to have on hand

right. I did read something about a Title 36 in AZ that can mandate a court ordered mental health assessment and treatment. you'd need to talk to an expert if you wanted to go that route tho

I’ll look into it. She started saying things like “please don’t infer that I’m crazy anymore” and I just shrugged because honestly? It’s not worth my time. I can deal with her if she snaps but I’ve made it clear our relationship has ended and I can have her evicted at any time

Giving her time to look is a courtesy I am extending and that’s the last of my good will

Because frankly I don’t have it in me to have her be homeless in 110 degree Arizona heat.

even though she'll probably never appreciate all you're still doing for her, it's proof that you're a good person

you're incredibly compassionate, even when she doesn't deserve it

she can attempt to fix this but I need to see proof she's actively changing so we'll see where it goes. Either way, I'm not holding out hope

and I'm done letting her affect my life

yeah, if she wants to find a way to try to repair your relationship, she has to do from her own home. she has completely lost her privileges to live with you.

Exactly

Lord... good on you for standing your ground.

"It'd be easier to move out if I weren't in debt from defrauding the NYPD, teehee~"