I can't even draw a straight consistant line?

And I can't seem to wrap my head around Krita

What happened to CSP, you mean?

So basically I can't fucking draw any more and I want to throw my computer out the window

No what happened to Gimp, it looks totally different

You can only see like half the tools
I can't make the pen pressure work
I can't do anything

Take a breath. Leave it installed. Check if you can find tutorial videos later on youtube for the new version of GIMP and see if anyone has tips and tricks for making it work.