long few days... i went over to my partner's on monday for a dinner date and his kitty was acting strangely so i ended up staying over there to help keep an eye on him and take them both to pet urgent care

bc my partner's car is currently not safely drivable, because of a hit and run

kitty is on the mend now and should be fine. i am very glad i was able to help bc partner was a wreck and tbh i was pretty upset about it myself, that's my stepson

but boy am i tired, emotionally and physically

and i have to go back to work tonight... and i'm in the middle of a d&d session which i FORGOT ABOUT and had to change my plans last-minute to bring my stuff home from partner's tonight instead of tmw like i intended

I'M WEARY!!!

on the bright side my parents sent me some $$$ to help buy a cooling unit for my nightmarishly hot room so once i deposit the check from my mom i am gonna try to make that purchase

i should shop for more shelves too... i've been putting it off bc i hate furniture shopping but if i do it'll make it easier to fit the cooling unit in here

big chest hurty after work last night ugh

went into a minor organizational spiral but i think now i truly need to sleep or i will expire

nts plurk my partner's commissions when it isn't early o'clock

not me only having 3 days the week before my vacation but they're the 3 busiest days we have, including saturday, which i haven't been scheduled since i fucked up baking goods on the last saturday i was scheduled

jesus i hope i have the sunday before we have to leave off or my travel anxiety is going to be unimaginably worse...but i won't know for another week

had absolute shit of a time sleeping at all today and i have NO idea why but omg i could not fall nor stay asleep

sensory overload bad...i had to take my socks off to sleep which i almost never do

and i felt so sick when i had to wake up for d&d i feel a bit better now but fjjfg

at least work shouldn't be too hard tonight but i am not terribly looking forward to cleaning shelves

mayday mayday I ate way too much at the overnight appreciation breakfast

my tummy hurts so bad but finally I am laying down... 😭😭

I have nothing to do until 8pm and no work tonight so I'm fucking praying that I can actually sleep today

idk what was wrong with me yesterday

was once again failing to stay asleep this morning so i took half an edible and blessedly got about 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep

tags to do for one of my campaigns but i'm so eepy...

I'm glad you were able to eep

thank u... i had none sleep and then a long d&d session and then work all night so i was dying LMFAO 💀

the constant struggle: wanting to create but being too tired

I want to draw so bad... I was kind of on a roll but then Life Happened and I'm still just so weary...

been sitting awake for 2 hours in my hot-ass room trying to get back to sleep and trying to decide if I want to give up and get out of bed

eventually got back to sleep but phone call from mom woke me up ... weeps

would love to do something with my day off tmw besides sleep and social obligations... rly i need to take my car in to get an oil change and check-up before vacation in a few weeks so i am praying i have the energy and executive function to do that

of the past 6 days i have had tabletop 5 of them and work directly afterwards on 2

seized by the existential anxiety of having to sign this new lease soon

well. new lease on current place bc of course the rent is going up

idk why such severe anxiety. i guess part of me is worried it won't work out for some reason and we'll have to move short notice and i'll have to cancel my vacation and have another wildly traumatic moving process

and i think a different part is just nauseous having to think that far into the future (we're looking at a 2yr lease to lock in the rent price for a bit)

bc I'm probably most likely to move out first... which I hate thinking about but. I would like to live with my partner in the not too distant future if all goes well

ugh. Life™️

CW: pet health

driving 35min in the middle of the night to take partner's kitty to the emergency vet bc the closer one is too full up on patients

we've been here for almost an hour now

called out of work tonight bc I'm so fucking empty and sad AND my period started

not looking forward to calling again later to talk to my TL about it but I just have nothing left in me

I've tried to call again 6 times over two separate attempts and no one is answering the phone 😭 please... I just want to sleep... I'm so tired and sad I want to stop worrying about work

tried again once lunch was over and still no one answered so I'm giving up lol

hate that I have to be at work tonight but at least I don't have too much live

unless coffee is crazy and I just haven't seen but I don't think so.

snack ended up with more than I anticipated and coffee WAS crazy actually so work was hell

but I have an actual whole weekend on the actual weekend for once so partner and I are gonna do some chores/errands and then stay at my place for the weekend... we need some time not in the sad cat zone

I have not minded being with them in this time but I think I need to be in my own space, I have not had a break from the conga line of misfortune at all

so many things to do today and part of me deeply doesn't want to do them and part of me feels like I will go insane if I don't

oil change and check up for my car. cleaning partner's apartment a bit; trash, dishes, maybe figuring out what to do about some of Charlie's stuff so it isn't a constant reminder. showering. laundry....... so much fuckign laundry

got my car taken care of and most of the trash aside from some stuff in the living & bedroom we missed but we'll take that out before we leave

little bit of P5R break and then dishes

Rooting for you cee

thank you Silvie ❤️

conquered the dishes! even the extra dishes that still hadn't been washed since the move

did my best shot at organizing partner's tupperware cabinet; little hard to do properly without some organizers/storage optimization tools but I did my best

managed to do all the chores/errands I wanted to do over the weekend but besides that pretty much all we've done is sleep, eat, and watch jojos LMFAO

which, you know. well-deserved but god I'm still so tired and I have to work tonight

and of course I'm working the Sunday night into the Monday morning when we have to leave on our drive to SC so I'm really pissed about that LMFAO

going to have to do basically all of my trip prep on the days off I have before the weekend

I haven't worked a full weekend in Months so of course they fuck me like this when I need to be getting ready to do a 9-hour drive

apparently i was supposed to work sunday night rather than last night but my manager messed up when she put the schedule into laborpro i didn't get in trouble since it's not my fault but i was gently reminded to cross-reference the digital schedule with the handwritten one that is posted by the grocery desk in the back

as if that is not an insane thing to ask people to do especially in the year of our lord 2024 for one of the top 10 companies to work at

are we cavemen? you ask me to look at and memorize a paper schedule???

i love having more banal tasks added to my plate when i'm already maximum stressed from my usual trip/travel prep anxiety and the absolutely no rest i've gotten after the past month

i'm so ready to just fuck off from everyone and everything for a week. i am beyond ready. i have been ready for weeks

a paper schedule? IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD 2024?

when there's a DIGITAL SCHEDULE?????

i would simply ignore that lmfao. it is not your fault that the official schedule was not updated

gently places you under a cloche. no more tasks for cee

i have been ignoring it up to this point bc there's never been a discrepancy between the paper and digital schedule for me before and i've been at this store almost a year now MFSDKLGMKH

i'll try to take a look from now on but i ain't going out of my way

went insane trying to find clothes i want to bring on vacation and sorted most of my absolutely huge mountain of clean laundry,,,

trip anxiety truly turning into manic restlessness over here

god we still need to sign our lease renewal im gonna PUKE

I slept so little yesterday and so much last night and I'm still so tired

do not want to go to my appointment or the store today but I must

lease finalized, trip groceries (aside from a couple things they didn't have/i forgot) got, hair cut

gradually striking shit i need to do off the list... once my last amazon package of trip stuff gets here i'm gonna start actually packing i think

packed most of my meds and my switch stuff... need to start folding my clothes so they'll actually fit in my suitcase but

my executive function for folding clothes was never good in the first place but i've almost entirely given up on it in the past few months LMFAO

got most of my packing done last night, now it's mostly stuff that i have to wait on bc it's perishable or i need to use it over the next few days...

weirdly i am ahead of schedule on my trip prep so i am trying to chill but i am chronically unable to chill when i am travelling soon

also i've got a bad case of bitch eating crackers syndrome with basically every obligation in my life rn and i am hoping it doesn't flare up too bad at work over the weekend bc omg... i'm tired of being cranky MFLDSMGKLH i'm just so burnt out on life

i need to be AWAY

MY PARTNER'S CAR IS TOTALED

fucking CHRIST

can we catch A SINGLE BREAK

i hate insurance companies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I HATE..........

because of a HIT AND RUN

literally nothing they could have done about it

i am both incandescent with rage and so exhausted and empty at the same time

various things have put me in an existentially crushing bad mood and as I laid down to try to get some sleep before work, I made the mistake of realizing that the post-vacation schedule should be up

so I checked it

and i am scheduled immediately the day after we come back. which is a Tuesday. i have not worked a Tuesday since CHRISTMAS, LITERALLY

there's a massive part of me that wants to just say fuck the vacation because obviously something is going to go wrong with it

this is such a small stupid thing but it's more about the car than this

the car, and charlie, and my million household responsibilities, and not making nearly enough money for any of it

and just not having any energy for Myself, ever

had a cute little meltdown while trying to sleep before work and am still dealing with the emotional hangover

at least work hasn't been too stupid tonight so I can be forlorn in relative peace

tummy hurty

there are like 2 more things I rly want to grab for the trip so once the grocery stores open I am gonna go look for them, hopefully find them, then come home and pop an edible and hope I sleep all day I need a hard reset on my brain

the other closest stores did not have one of the things i want... i got the other one but phbbthbtht

think i'm just gonna have to keep an eye out for it at my store. judging by what i saw at the other stores i think there must be a bit of a hiccup in the supply line for that product LMFAO

managed to sketch an entire body and face details before the edible hit. time to sleep

less than 24 hours til trip time. trying to get a little more sleep before I do all my pre-trip chores... and work,,, ugh

trip time! trip time!

trip time..........

a corner of my stuffie net fell off the wall and dumped all my stuffies onto the bed while i was sleeping have i not suffered enough

oh my god. that would have been so startling

they aren't ready for u to go

SOMEHOW NONE OF THEM ACTUALLY FELL ON ME I heard it happen but I had a sleep mask on so I was like huh. wonder what that was. oh well

and then woke up to DEVASTATION

work is dumb tonight bc I'm in baking goods and someone made an absolute mess of the two backstock runners but I have all my live done so I can spend the rest of my shift cleaning that mess

trying to decide whether I want to mute my discord servers while on vacation... not normally a me move but I am just so overwhelmed by everything lately

i lived bitch dot jpeg

rly was hoping to get out a little early tonight but even on a sunday, baking goods is a very annoying aisle

one of my less-liked coworkers was the last to do the backstock which solves the mystery of why it was such a mess. there was also an extra runner of backstock hiding unlabeled and undated in the back so a lot of my time was reorganizing that entire situation lol

which normally I find very satisfying but I JUST WANTED TO BE DONE...

made it to Myrtle Beach without dying despite the best efforts of every moron in the SC boonies

WAHOO HAVE FUN

also SC is just like that, it's why we their northern neighbor don't claim them

LMFAO

don't fuckin blame you. I love my dad but I would hate so much to live down here

yeah noooooo way am I staying in sc

but next time you come down south, id love to have you in central nc!!!

GASP... HERMY TIME

i don't do a lot of road trips for a lot of reasons but i will keep this in mind id love 2 hang

I know quite a few folks in NC tbh including my mom so I rly should just go down there at some point

we got everything down here. good bbq. fucked up goverment. come on down

can 100% endorse hermy time

FUCKED UP GOVERNMENT NFNSMNG

thats our secret cap. the fucked up government is everywhere

(though moreso in some places... obviously........)

vacation has been mostly nice so far but I slept on my neck bad on Saturday and it only seems to have gotten worse no matter what I've tried

impeding my ability to relax and be normal by like... a lot

I KNOW...

i've tried ibuprofen. acetaminophen. topical CBD+THC cream. heat (through hot water and vibrating massager application). cold (with ice pack). sleeping on my back with my head/neck supported gently by my very nice pillow. massaging, both by myself and my partner, with bare hands and with localized vibrating massager. I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO LOL

my dad asked if he wanted me to check with his chiropractor and I'm like MAYBE... 😭😭😭

I can't spend my whole vacation like this and I especially can't do an 8 hour drive and then go back to work like this,,,

THAT'S LITERALLY EVERYTHING YOU COULD DO bodies why

I KNOW the only painkiller i haven't tried yet is naproxen so I guess that's my next attempt but like omfg LMFAO

and I might try one of my CBD+THC edibles

but I'm out of ideas for at-home remedies after that

give a cee a break, world

ate so much at the kbbq + hot pot place and then went into a food coma

neck still questionable but I got the heavy-duty heating pad from my dad tonight and slapped some more weed cream on and I am Praying™️

also trying the naproxen

fingers crossed

finally saw some improvement this morning; the aleve + weed cream + heating pad seemed to help

not at 100% but I'm not nearly as miserable as I have been the past few days, physically speaking

emotionally speaking I feel very weird though. I have realized I don't think I know how to be on vacation

the concept of just relaxing and taking care of myself and just doing stuff I want to do just...... ?????? i just haven't been able to, like...do it

it does not help that I've had more obligations and errands than I expected to have lol. stuff that needed to be done that was easier to do with my dad but obligations nonetheless

phew on the pain at least

unfortunately when you go on vacation anxiety does not

yeah when I was talking to my partner about it yesterday I was like

weird, being on vacation doesn't make me not depressed LMFAO

lmao too real

last full day of vacation... trying not to think too hard about it

we gotta go home today and I have to go back to work tomorrow and ugghhhfhgh LMFAO

at partner's house for the night/tmw... we have to drive a few towns over to pick up the stuff from their totaled car and I'm already so tired

finally home, i am exhausted and a million things both little and large are already annoying the fuck out of me

i anticipate post-vacation depression will settle in soon now that i'm back in my normal environment

post-vacation depression has definitely set in. work feels like it's going in slow motion even though I have plenty to do

I've got ttrpg before work tmw and I don't want to do that or work... I just want to sleep

hopefully ttrpg will be fun, though!

thankfully we ended up rescheduling to sunday bc the GM had some work stuff come up

i do want to play but i was not feeling it yesterday mr krabs. immediately coming back to the full-force summer shitstorm at work after a whole week off has been incredibly unkind to my brain and body

in the 7 days immediately following my vacation time off, i am scheduled 6 of them

i was scheduled 6 days in a row just before the last time i asked for more than a day off at a time so i'm beginning to feel punished for daring to ask for time off LMFAO

thankfully i have today off. and d&d tonight was cancelled which is always a little bit of a bummer, but i am also fine with having absolutely no scheduled obligations on my one day off either

because, see aforementioned trouble adjusting coming back to work

so tired... so yucky feeling

got tummy hurt a little too much a little too long disease today

trying to draw despite this... truly god's bravest soldier

truly nothing can stop cee

NOTHING* CAN STOP ME!!!

* except drawing flowers, which is what is really stymieing me

I knew we couldn't trust those pollen-producing assholes

they are so pretty but they're so hard to take care of and it hurts when i try to draw them LMFAO

tummy hurty disease finally got to me, I had to lie down and nap

still don't feel fantastic but...a little better

evidence of tummy day: i've gone through nearly a whole sleeve of saltines 😭

i felt so yucky and got so little sleep yesterday that i slept all day and most of last night... ough

putting some soup and bread in me before work...

tonight in my irl work nightmares: had to do the UNFI breakdown for only my third time, completely alone bc we were so damn busy that no one could help, and the district manager for our whole state interviewed me about the process

I really hate doing the UNFI assignment for so many reasons,,, it is easily my least favorite task at this job and I have a lot of assignments I don't particularly like JNGNSKNGS

but I am:

- not power jack certified
- and don't have a log-in for our scanning guns

and both of these are pretty critical to a smooth workflow for this stupid breakdown so I'm constantly having to stop and ask other people to do shit for me so that I can do my job

we're supposedly getting new guns sometime this week so I will probably pester my manager about getting me a log-in because jesus christ almighty

apparently we will be incorporating the UNFI breakdown into our usual nightly breakdown eventually which is good to know but. I don't know when that will be happening LMFAO

anyway even at a great company retail still kinda sux.