there's other complaints about me and my characters which i've either learned to deal with or stomach or just kinda shrug towards (i.e. my most well known character is from the ruby sea, and therefore the japanese equivalent in xiv land - people take issue with the fact i'm white, which alright, fair, i should pick better next time)

but one of the most recent circlejerks included an "ohhhhhhh so INTERESTING" about how I am asexual but still erp a lot

it was very VERY clearly a "see they're not really ace" sentiment, which, I know it's purely bullying

but my god I am so fucking sick and tired of acephobia and this kind of sentiment being shoved at me since I ever even grasped the concept as a teenager who couldn't figure out why they weren't into sex like their friends

my teenage crush was on a man who ended up being a predator who quietly (and eventually not so quietly) sexually assaulted and groomed a large portion of my friend group

which, man, my 15-16 year old self had very little idea of what was going on. i was just flattered he seemed to like me back

he kept pressuring me to try to do things with him, and tbf this is when i was finding out about asexuality, and felt happy i was seeing something that described what i was experiencing - which i even told him about, as he was someone i also considered a friend

i had cut things off with him when he tried to force me to be "private" about what i thought was an actual relationship, and he later assaulted me with a friend actively present who helped him attack me/tried to normalize the behavior

and he told me, flat out, it was so he could fix that i was asexual, since i just didn't know how good sex was

took me 15 fucking years to accept that as assault. 15 years.

so seeing this kind of shit crop up on and off because i feel safe exploring some sexual stuff via rp is so disgusting

i'm not ace enough because i'm ok with the concept of sex, but get terrified/bored when it's presented to me irl? thanks, my ex also got mad at me for that, do you really want to toss your hand into the ring of a guy who threw me into a wall over taking the internet away form him

but they think i am some ugly pick me girl who seduces people with erp and shit. deadass lol

that and this ALL happens while they misgender me and insist i'm clearly not actually trans either b/c i'm ok presenting femme and have female characters

i know it's just bullying. fully 100000% know they want me to get upset and lash out so they can further paint me as a villain

i've already had people threaten me with harm, been told "we don't want you here", been treated like shit because i'm trans and i've had shit like my pharmacist outing me to a crowd, or shitty people at cons hassling me because i've always had curves, or people in general insisting i should just grin and bear it b/c i can pass

my mom rejected me while she died re: being ace and trans and i don't fucking need some stupid petty bitch on the internet getting to think that way either

i will be fine, but man. really fucking sick of people excusing this pile of transphobic and acephobic muck all because they dislike me