I've been seeing a therapist for roughly a year and a half now. A few months ago, she suggested introducing someone to our meetings who might be able to help with work related trauma. An intern of hers with years of experience working in HR

Which sounds reasonable

For the sake of trying to be as objective as possible, I should note that I'm a very reserved person. I don't open up often, even around people I consider good friends for one reason or another (which is not on them at all; this is strictly on me always being reclusive). I withdraw into myself during bad moods, for example

And with my history, I've become very defensive as well

So I'm hesitant to meet the guy at first, because I innately don't trust HR people. First few sessions don't go well. I don't feel he's listening to me because he interrupts me when sharing memories with questions that I feel aren't entirely related to what I'm talking about.

And twice across those first two sessions did he reach the conclusion that I didn't try hard enough in those instances I mentioned, or that I gave up too easily. And I took this very personally.

Yes, there were times when I didn't try my hardest, but there were also times that I did. It still upset me and I wound up going off a few times, to the point where I brought up my complaints during a session that I didn't like his approach so far. Aggressively, perhaps, but the message seemed to get across

He stopped doing a whole lot during these sessions around that time, chiming in when my therapist pulled him into the conversation and occasionally trying to ask a question about the subject or my interests. Clumsily, I feel, but there's an effort.

Still wasn't going well and I feel he wasn't really helping me. He felt like a presence that was hardly there, and sometimes had me walking away from sessions upset because of either the aforementioned "you're not trying hard enough" remarks (which is a notion that very, very easily pisses me off) or a clumsy, but

good intentions filled question that made me uncomfortable because I was too angry and down to feel like listing good traits about myself. The discomfort grew because my therapist agreed with him after I said I wasn't in the mood for that. So I felt teamed up on, I guess.

But I'm a very defensive person, so I might have felt more from it than what was there

So after a week of ruminating on things, I decide I've had enough. This past session, I tell him things aren't working out, that I don't like having him in these sessions. And when my therapist asks him to leave, I tell him to please not come back

As my therapist explained, intern was apparently intimidated by me. So a lot of the sitting around and not knowing what to do came from not knowing how to approach me without somehow pissing me off

And suggested talking about my interests for this session, since talking about jobs upsets me. Which...yeah, it does. Because I have a bad history with jobs

Apparently, other clients like him a lot, which I didn't see. Supposedly, he had difficulty empathizing with people, but I don't know if that's in general or with me specifically or if I'm even remembering my therapist's words correctly

Which leaves me as the only one who doesn't like him

...I'm gonna be honest, yeah, what he said was unhelpful???

Dropping the "this isn't working out" bits in the middle of the session wasn't the way to go, since instead of approaching the subject right away, I waited for a moment in the conversation to bring it up

yeah I feel like it doesn't really matter what other clients think about him, he was making you uncomfortable and angry, which is not what therapy is supposed to be. even if it was unintentionally.

so he wasn't a good fit for you, and you're allowed to decide that, because this is your therapy.

^ This.

I don't think he was a good fit for me, no

yeah this feels hella shady in its own way, and agreeing with the others, it feels like you were being used as a tool for him rather than him being an aid to you, or something like that

and yeah, saying "well you just didn't try hard enough" is massively unhelpful. it's more scolding than advice, I'd have been frustrated too.

I didn't help much with trying to make it fit after those first two sessions since by then, he left a bad first impression and I was waiting for him to fix it and change things up

Which isn't totally fair, I admit, but when I'm going into my issues and thought processes regularly, I'm already opening up as much as I'm able to in those moments

Though saying that might be a little too personally biased in an AITA inquiry

yeah, maybe you could've been kinder to him when asking him to leave, but overall that's not much compared to the fact these are not HIS therapy sessions, they're YOURS

like...you made the right decision here, the sessions weren't productive, and that defeats the whole purpose

Yeah. I don't regret having him removed from these sessions; I only wonder if things turned out the way they did because I never gave him a chance

Agreed on all accounts. I even said 'what the fuck, WHY?' aloud with the suggestion to bring the HR person in

I don't really think so, it's...kinda weird that he didn't know what to do after someone got kinda angry with the way he phrased things?

You had every right to cut it off if it doesn't work and 'fire' that person, holy shit.

and cutting you off? Interrupting? It's Riki time, not That Guy time.

I mean, it sounds to me like you didn't give him much of a chance because it became apparent pretty quickly he wasn't going to be a productive addition to your sessions.

it seems like knowing how to handle one person being angry at you would be a useful skill for that, and your therapist is there to pretty much focus on trying to keep emotions mitigated, and give you a chance to think about everything

I crudely joked that him lacking empathy and being unhelpful confirmed he used to work in HR

based :v

...I reiterate maybe you could've been kinder, but...yeah no, this isn't really on you for getting upset with how he tried to handle things

and that is a big "maybe"

he didn't exactly seem concerned about the whole kindness thing himself

From my perspective, your therapist literally brought in a person who was explicitly triggering you.

That was to my therapist during a session he didn't show up for, but you're right. Still wasn't very nice

True as it might be for HR

sagesaria: seconded

You are 100% within your rights to say that person is unhelpful

...and your therapist probably should've taken you making a joke like that as a hint that maybe removing him from sessions would've been wise...

Could you have said things kinder? Sure. But you were in a position that was upsetting you and making you feel dismissed and unheard, and I’m not gonna say “you’re the asshole for hitting a breaking point” because there’s a reason they call it losing your cool.

exactly

That is...very fair, actually

Something that provoked a kneejerk anger is not good for therapy, and the therapist honestly should’ve been more supportive of the fact that this was hurting you.

And hurting your progress.

it sure doesn't sound like you were trying to hide that fact

noooo, I did not. Gave him a few sessions (can't remember the exact number) to change things up, but he didn't really do anything other than stop saying "I wasn't trying hard enough"

I appreciate the input, everyone. I doubt myself and my thoughts often, so it's hard for me to tell when I'm stuck in my own head or not

/all the hugs [snugsnug

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