in another hard aisle at work and my head hurty so bad but I'm with my partner so life is okay actually

they got me dairy-free cheezit-type crackers as a surprise bc they know how much I've missed cheezits since my lactose intolerance has gotten more severe I love them so much

omg
that's love

TRULY

unfortunately some more shit has come up that has upset me and made me very anxious. nothing related to partner but i really can't just have one fuckin day can i LMFAO

oh no

the crackers thing is so sweet... partner good

they're SO sweet I love them with my whole gay little heart

they also got me the 4K restoration of Paprika that came out as a belated bday present so we watched that together and my god it's SO beautiful

ho shit THAT'S LOVE

(says orly, whose love language is movies)

JHFKSDMGKLH that's their love language too

i'm not a big movie person but not bc i don't like movies, i just don't go out of my way to watch them so i don't . watch them HAHAHAHFKLSD but i do like watching movies with them...

and Paprika is my favorite movie

been very sensitive and pessimistic about money lately bc it's been so slow at work and we got a text from our landlord today telling us that rent will be going up $100/mo if we renew scumbag

was also just in a bad mood today bc depressive episode, and PMS, and general fatigue... so feeling very hopeless

ik it is not actually hopeless. but god it fucking feels like it

fucking rent

this house isn't even that nice everything is super outdated and we've had to ask the landlord to come over about a million times to fix IMPORTANT shit like PLUMBING

for fuck's sake

Jesus $100 is a ridiculous hike

that is total so it'll be divided between 3 of us at least but still shit LOL

STILL SHIT

landlords are parasites

what is with landlords this year raising rent like this

(kt and I are dealing with a $225 rent hike) (We Are Going To Have To Move Probably)

jesus that is MONSTROUS

it's been so slow at work that it's genuinely been a while since i was scheduled on a heavy load day and Oh My God i forgot the misery

i actually ended up finishing a little early but. i got to start my shift with a pallet of gallon iced teas that had SUGAR and JUICE spilled ALL OVER IT

i tried to keep the mess contained as much as possible as i broke down the stuff on the pallet but omfg it was so disgusting

i am covered in sweat, sugar, juice, and soy sauce (unrelated to the pallet) (i made a mistake at lunch)

direly in need of a shower but i will do that once roomie wakes up bc a) i do not want to disturb her and b) my body is so weary i need to sit for a while

(i am also on day 2ish of my period LIFE IS A NIGHTMARE)

sugar and juice spill...awful

IT WAS HORRENDOUS

like. thank god the products were all wrapped in plastic so luckily the actual gallon jugs were fine (bc i would have had to wipe them down if they were super sticky or dirty)

but i had to sweep and wipe so much of my aisle as i was unpacking the jugs and it wasted so much of my time

oh thank god for that at least

yeah it could have been way worse

i had to clean up nonsense the other most recent time i was scheduled on a heavy load day too bc someone had broken a jelly jar in the baking supplies aisle and didn't clean it up thoroughly

so there were still. little pieces of broken glass on the floor.

nothing likely to hurt a customer but VERY likely to hurt someone sitting and sliding and moving on the floor a lot (like a stocking employee) (such as me)

tummyache and i am not being brave about it

fatigue kept me from doing anything worthwhile with myself today...bleh

anxiety SO bad today

god. im not normally one to complain about winter but i need the sun to come back so bad. i need to go outside

and for my body to cooperate with me and actually be awake on nice days when i don't have to go to work and can go outside without sacrificing sleep

so much to ask...

so stir crazy that I took a walk around the block in the neighborhood. would've stayed out longer but the wind was cold and I wasn't adequately dressed

think I might get my hair cut today too to make myself feel slightly better in my flesh vessel and exert some control over something in my life

first though. I have tea bc that is a comforting ritual that I often forget I can do for myself

the stylist i want isn't available until tuesday so my motivation to get haircut has been staggered by having to learn another random stranger... i might anyway but i think i'm gonna start my laundry first and then see how i feel

i do feel a little better just after taking a walk. touching grass and breathing fresh air is good actually

got my hair cut... now to shower and my flesh prison will actually feel bearable

i feel much more human after showering and i even washed my sheets and made my bed

but i still have one more load of laundry to wait on...wah

i want...nap......

cee has conquered the flesh prison

had a nice weekend with the partner while the roomies were away but now i miss them

i also slept like absolute dogshit saturday night so we ended up sleeping pretty much all day and i'm a little sad about it... i wanted to actually hang out...

i direly needed the sleep but

as usual, i do not want to do the work tonight,

god i'm tired of being in aisles that are made significantly more difficult by my small stature and lack of certification for the power jack

this feels like when i was in pet for a week straight and i thought i was being hazed

i think The Family (that owns our company) is visiting on. friday? it's sometime this week i think and we are running out of days for it to be. so i am not looking forward to the level of nonsense we'll have to deal with tomorrow night

need to get back to sleep before work soon but i just want to draw and put enrichment into my enclosure wah

work was not as bad as anticipated... i am still so fuckign eepy though

i forgot that warmer weather also meant the return of insanely loud construction/renovation projects right when i should be going to sleep for work i want to kill

i put headphones on for the time being but i can feel it SHAKING THE GROUND

oh noooo

my room is also starting to get uncomfortably warm again... ough

I just want to scream and scream and scream and never stop screaming

I forgot how absolutely miserable and foul it makes my vibes when I'm consistently assigned tasks that I hate with my whole being over long periods of time with no tasks I hate less to break it up

I was in pasta tonight and about half the crew was looking for shit to do while I was busting my ass over 4 runners and a pallet

I have no idea why I keep getting assigned full-time aisles by myself all of a sudden but my mood is rancid about it and I am so so sore

I crave expiration

oh now THIS emote is a mood

I'm here to help

i've had a headache for nearly 12 hours now even though i have eaten and hydrated and napped and i simply think that should be illegal

that should absolutely be illegal

god I'm so anxious about how much I have to do this week

which. I hate. bc I want to instead be excited for the concert I am going to on Wednesday. but instead I'm just anxious about whether something will go wrong and then the. checks notes. 5 days of work on top of other social obligations right in a row after that

I might call out one of those days tbh but I'm anxious about that too, I hate calling out

especially when I feel like I don't have a good reason

(I do, the reason is burnout, but capitalism brain is like THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH)

woken up by toe cramps and my tummy hurts and im not being brave about it

capitalism brain is so real and so bad

IT SUCKS SO MUCH

today. I am coloring my hair. any remaining red has almost entirely grown out and I'm sick of looking at my natural color as my stress dulls it LMFAO

i dyed my hair successfully and now i get to be needlessly anxious over something stupid

fall out boy concert was so fucking good I am once again in awe

and very tired. but very happy I got to go

me after considering calling out all week: idk I think I'm fine for 5 days in a row actually
my body in the last 45 minutes of day 4/5:

if I feel better later today I will go in but I think my organs are trying very hard to start my period so

still feel like absolute garbage but it's getting to be the time of night where I start feeling wildly anxious about calling out

i wish calling out at my job was not such a rigamarole bad for the anxiety

we are supposed to call out at least 2 hours before our shift begins, and we have to talk to our department manager. for me that is 9pm but overnight grocery management often isn't in until midnight or later. so in that case we need to talk to another manager who is available to let them know and then call back to confirm with our own management later

i have not yet figured out how the hell to dial extensions so i can call the department directly and our phone menu does not give an option to talk to ONG so i have to ask customer service to transfer me every time. almost every time they will transfer me to daytime/night grocery instead which is NOT my department and not my management

and so they always have to go find someone actually in ONG

sometimes customer service transfers me to the NIGHT store manager instead (also not my management) (she's nice but not the one i need to report to)

and SHE will often just give the call to whatever grocery person she finds first instead of ONG

IT'S SUCH A HUGE AWKWARD PAIN IN THE ASS AND I OFTEN HAVE TO DO IT TWICE

begging the customer service desk to actually consult the phone directory that should be posted in every department so they can transfer me to the correct people the first time and spare me all this nonsense when i am already withering at the thought of having to call out of work

called out, feel very bad about it for no good reason at least i have a few days to rest now

i had . an absolutely horrific day yesterday but i spent today just chilling at my partner's place and that helped a little

felt bad about calling out but i'm glad i did bc if i had had to deal with yesterday after a full monday shift i think i would have just disintegrated

I'm glad you at least got some rest

thank you I desperately needed it

I think I needed it even more today bc I slept about 13 hours

im so tired but i need to stay awake longer bc i go back to work tmw night...

i forgot i also have d&d before that

nts trim my nails before work tmw