Aawww... Poor baby.. is she okay now?

aww poor baby

She's okay. There was just a little blood. She was fine after she nursed.

I only nursed my son for a month. I wasn't emotionally able to do it with him because of issues I was having from being raped when I was

younger. Now it really depends on Fumiko. I plan to breastfeed her for at least a year, longer if that's what she wants.

I feel guilty over not breastfeeding my son but I honestly wasn't able. I couldn't hardly produce any milk and I was torturing myself

with flashbacks and nightmares and other problems. -.- I have problems with certain things with males and I can't help it as much as I've

tried. Therapy didn't help either. So it's something I try to deal with on a regular basis and most of the time do well, except with certain

intimate things.

Wow, Manda.. I didn't know that. (regarding your rape).. *hug* That is hard. You don't have to feel guilty..

... it's hard enough being a mom without the guilt. *hug*

I do though because he has issues with being sick all the time and I feel like it's my fault because I didn't breastfeed him. >_<

Aaww.. some babies are just like that. You do the best you can and you continue to. *hug*

I was raped when i was 13. :/ by a friend of my best friend. I ended up pregnant and had a miscarriage because he found out I was pregnant

and beat the living hell out of me.

I think if it was *just* rape, I wouldn't have such a hard time dealing with it, but it was made worse by everything else.

Omg.. >.< Did you report him? I want to kick him!! UGH. That's horrible.

I didn't. I told my best friend and she didn't believe me and pretty much called me a whore because she liked him. So I didn't tell anyone

I didn't know what to do. My parent didn't notice/never questioned anything because I was a tom boy and had been chunky before.

wow manda. just wow. i remember you saying something about being raped but i didn't know the details sorry hun.

My mom didn't find out until I was 16. I was a horrible mess. I was diagnosed with manic depression, social phobia, panic disorder, ocd,

and anxiety disorder.

Oh Manda.. Ugh. That's horrible. What an ass. I really hate that. Makes me feel so helpless. I'm sorry that happened to you.

me too. But it made me the way I am and it's the reason why I see things the way I do.

I haven't been on medication since I was 17 and most the time I'm okay. So it's okay.

Most people have no idea and I don't tell them because they look at me differently. My mom refuses to acknowledge it

if it's brought up she says "oh what happened with that boy in california?" she likes to believe nothing ever happened.

That's horrible. I guess sometimes parents have a hard time accepting this kind of stuff. I don't look at you differently...

... just that you're stronger for your struggles.

My dad still doesn't know. And Kai only knows small details.

I work a lot with rape victims and abuse victims... I can definitely appreciate your journey. *hug*

I meant more or less people in person. I've had several people in the past just stop coming around because they felt like they had to

treat me differently. which they don't. I only mention it online when I need to explain something, like why I didn't breastfeed sascha.

thanks helen.

It was actually emotionally devastating for me when I got pregnant this time. :/ I was afraid I was going to have a boy and I didn't know if

I could handle it again. I have a hard time with Sascha part of the time and I feel guilty over it. I was so relieved when we found out

I was having a girl that I cried at the ultrasound. I feel bad that I ever felt that way, but it's not something I could control, which

makes me feel even worse.

Aw, Manda.. I didn't know any of this. Thanks for sharing. It must have been very difficult. You're doing so good, though!

And your children are beautiful and wonderful.

thank you.