ok not MY dad but this guy on twitter posts only things his dad says and they are all pretty funny. the father is 73 and the weird thing

is that he looks like MY dad and my dad is 70 AND he says similar shit only this dad is a little more batshit crazy and seems like he has

anger issues. here are some of the entries:

"Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later that it's because it fucked you."

"Don't listen to the pussy side of you when you make a decision. People gravitate towards being a pussy. Remove the pussy, son."

"Happy birthday, I didn't get you a present...Oh, mom got you one? Well, that's from me then too, unless it's shitty."

"You're like a tornado of bullshit right now. We'll talk again after your bullshit dies out over someone else's house."

"You're being fucking dramatic. You own a TV and an air mattress. That's not exactly what I'd call "a lot to lose."

'You don't know shit, and you're not shit. Don't take that the wrong way, that was meant to cheer you up."

"Here's a strawberry, sorry for farting near you...Hey! Either take the strawberry and stop bitching, or no strawberry, that's the deal."

"The worst thing you can be is a liar....Okay fine, yes, the worst thing you can be is a Nazi, but THEN, number two is liar. Nazi 1, Liar 2"

"It's just a fucking june bug, calm down. Jesus Christ, what happens when something bigger than a testicle attacks you?"

"The dog don't like you planting stuff there. It's his backyard. If you're the only one who shits in something, you own it. Remember that."

"How the fuck should I know if it's still good? Eat it. You get sick, it wasn't good. You people, you think I got microscopic fucking eyes."

LOL and so many more gems. If you want to follow him on twitter or read more his username is: shitmydadsays

yes that tweet stream is very funny

now thats some one to get drunk and take someplace where they can voice their opinion

LMAAAOOOO!!!! thats HILARIOUS!